For some people, change is good and for others it is bad.  I believe change, whether thought of as positive or negative, is important because it shapes you. Throughout your life, people will try to affect what you  do or how you are in the world.  However, until you have a moment where you decide to change, even in the smallest way, this outside advice won't stick with you. Once you accept this change on your own terms, this new way of approaching life will guide you, telling you what's good or bad. In the end, it is all these personal changes that shape the amazing, one and only you. You are not perfect, but you are you and that's all that is important 

In my life, negative changes seem to have the biggest impact  shaping me. I started becoming my own person  when I was nine years old. I was at a party hosted by an adult friend, Lori. I still can remember that day like it was yesterday. I was sitting on my mom's lap in a hammock in Lori’s backyard rocking back and forth. We were watching the stars glittering in the distance.  At that moment, I remember feeling  safe. This feeling was quickly destroyed by my mom explaining that my parents weren’t getting along. They were filing for a divorce. She explained that I couldn’t tell my dad because he wanted to wait to tell my brother and me; however, my mother  thought I should know earlier. I couldn’t believe it! I thought we were going to be a happy family forever. My mom squeezed me while we lay there crying. Two to three months later my parents sat my  brother and I down on the couch and confirmed my  worst fear. We all sat there hugging each other as a whole family crying for the last time. After that, everything went by very fast. In the blink of an eye, my dad moved out and into an apartment.

After the divorce, my mom slowly sunk into a dark place. A place where she was drowning in drugs and alcohol. This made me try to fill her shoes by becoming the parent. I felt as if I had no one to take care of me. My mom’s and my relationship fell to the lowest point. This frighted me because I didn’t know what she was going to do next.  In the back of my head, I would wonder what is she capable of?  What would happen in the future?

Months past and she became  less addicted. Still in the back of my mind, I was scared that something was going to happen.  It was like watching a bomb, waiting for it to explode. Years later, the bomb did explode, but not in the way I expected. She wasn't doing drugs or alcohol.  Instead, she had a mental  breakdown. This episode left her incapable of  being a parent. Her depression scared my brother and me. She would sit in her room for hours on end and never come out. It was like she wasn’t there. If we did talk to each other, it was through tears and yelling. We tried everything to help. She tried medication, herbs, and even meditation, nothing worked. As a family, we were at a breaking point. My brother and I wanted to live at our dads. But, somehow she gradually started to be healthy again. It took me for to see my mom as the same person as before. 

I have experienced a lot of bumps and bruises during these changes. Even though it was hard to push through these events, I wouldn’t take any of  them back. I have come away with some important lessons. I now know how important it is to work hard, never give up and persevere. I understand to not judge others without knowing what they are going through. Life isn’t always easy, but it will work out in the end. The joys of life are to be enjoyed and cherished. Yup, this is my life me. It’s not perfect, but for now I’m happy with the results.