I remember when I first met him.

It was at practice but before that I had science class with him.

He was the first person I noticed and the first name I remembered.

Then he grew out his hair and dear god I’m so glad he did.

He was always nice to me. Not like a polite nice but more of a gentleman’s nice.

I noticed he wasn’t like that with the other girls and I felt kinda special, maybe I’m just overthinking it though.

He always seemed happy to talk to me but damn I always had my foot in my mouth. I could never find the right words. I just felt so awkward I didn’t know what to do.

I was constantly thinking to myself, Did you really just say that? Why? What is wrong with you? Get it together. I beat myself up for it constantly.

I really liked him and I still do. I just don’t know what to do. Boys think I’m a monster and I’m afraid he does too.

I just want him to like me back, I mean he could and I just don’t notice because I’m so blind to things like that. If you like me you have to spell it out for me because otherwise I just think you’re being nice to me.

I asked the cosmos for galaxies not a tall, talented, brown eyed guy who sung as though the lord was in the audience.

I know not really any other girl likes him the way I do so I have a bit of hope, but I feel like I am always competing with someone else even though I’m not.

I remember telling him about a time when some stupid guy told me that he didn’t like blondes and wouldn’t date me unless I dyed my hair brown.

Brown eyes rolled his eyes and smiled. He told me he liked blondes and that I shouldn’t change for anyone. Then he put his earphones in and went into his own little world.

God, he’s so funny and sweet, and ugh, I’m just lost. I never know what to do around him.

I don’t want to be some weird, awkward blonde around him, no. I want to be his. I want to be his girlfriend. I just don’t know how to cross that bridge or where to start.

I don’t get to talk to brown eyes as much anymore, I wish I did. Not because I don’t want to but because the season ended and neither of us get to see each other.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know it sounds pathetic but ugh I just don’t know.

I’ve never had a boyfriend, never had a guy tell me to my face that I’m pretty, or special and brown eyes makes me feel like I am.

I don’t know if it is intentional or not. Maybe that’s just the way he is. I just don’t feel like I stand a chance against things that aren’t even there.

I’m just a hopeless romantic that seems egotistical but truth be told I have a big heart.

It’s like there is a wall and I feel like I am that wall.