It's 1:37. I am still awake thinking of how my life has gone recently. I barely recongnize myself, maybe that's the reason of all that's happening to me. Let me explain to you a bit what o'm going through right now maybe you can clearer and enlighten me.

I have been in a relationship for over 3 years with the man i love...or loved don't know anymoreeven my heart is out of work. Anyway i'v been with him against my mothr's wil; she canot stand him because he doesn't match HER standards and of course i have to follow her. i have been fighting her for over 3 years as i said util last months. i couldn't handle it anymore, i started doubting myself and my feelings not to mention that some of the things she predicted happened; I couldn't deal with my boyfriend it was like : fight then fight than another huge fight. Love faded away because of all the pressure. he and i got tired so i decided to stop everything i had no other choice i was sick of trying, sick of fighting, sick of that routine; he didn't want to, he tried to make me come back but my arguments were stronger or maybe i didn't listen to his...

anyway we are apart for 3 weeks right now we do not talk much, i try to get busy, not to think of him but in vain.  i must say that i don't miss him i don't even feel that love that used to burst into my heart. i'm cold as ice (almost) and as long as i get out of trouble with my mother i'm fine with it. But how long is thing going to last, what do i do? i made a promise i'm not sure of anymore. I promised i will still love him but how can I "still" love him if my heart is sleeping, striking, refusing to let me in?