Dear friend,
I have known of you for a while, your loud laughter and brilliant smile has been a small part of my middle school two years. You were the kid in class making jokes to his friends, the very loud and obnoxious one. You always wear odd hooded jackets and you rarely take them off. You have thick straight brown hair, and green eyes that I haven’t been able to get out of my head in weeks.
I just want you to know that I like you, and I’ve noticed that you like me to. But you should also know that I have no intention of going out with you. You see, my father is very strict and doesn’t want me to date until I’m eighteen. You think I’m exaggerating? Ask the guy yourself, and he will tell you how dating in high school is just a waste of time, for no one ends up marrying their high school sweetheart. And, in all honesty, I agree with him. I don’t need a boy in my life for me to feel complete, I am here to learn and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
But, your smile does captivate me…and I think it is adorable when you blush. You have liked a few of my friends before and ended up shot down each time when all you’ve been is sweet to them. You’re a bit of a nerd, and I like that. I really want to get to know you. You seem like someone who has a story to tell.
Even though I don’t intend on going out with you, I will give you my phone number. Summer is in two days, and it would be nice to have someone like you to text. I hope you don’t mind.

Dear friend,
On the last day of school, our group of friends decided to go to the beach together. It was the first time I was able to wear my new bikini in public. Hanna’s new boy (no clue who he was, as usual) said I looked good and a couple of your friends agreed. I was glad you were able to come at the last minute. It made the day much more fun. We waded amongst the waves and laughed and joked with our friends. I can’t help but smile when I see you smiling at me. And I feel light headed when our hands brush. I’m almost sorry I have decided not to go out with you, it would have been fun.
But even so, I’m glad we traded phone numbers.

Dear friend,
Summer has been brighter since you’ve been apart of it. We’ve been texting non stop, and now I think I have an idea of who you are. Your favorite movie is Gladiator, and your favorite color is green. Your parents are divorced, like mine, and you don’t do so well in math. Your favorite class is history, and though I won’t admit it, you excel my knowledge of America’s wars. You want to be a programmer when you grow up, and you love cats. You are smart, and it is fun to have conversations with you. I know we don’t agree on everything, but I don’t think that matters.
I think I love you. I want to see more of you, and I want to learn more about who you are. I have never really opened up to anyone, never trusted someone enough to let them know my story and who I am. But I trust you, and I know that is not a mistake. I will let you find out the pieces of who I am. All you have to do is ask.
I wish summer wasn’t so long.

Dear love,
I miss you. I hate being away from you, but I don’t know what I should do. Every other week is mom’s time, and I technically can see you, but should I ask you to hang out? Should you be the one who asks? It is strange, I don’t know what to call you anymore. You’re my love, but I want us to be more. I sometimes get worried that since we are not officially dating, you’ll go out with someone else before summer ends. But those worries vanish when you tell me you love me too.
I can’t wait until sophomore year where I get to see you every day, though I wonder how our friends will react.

Dear love,
I want to write this down, so I remember everything about it.
I finally got to see you, we met at the teen center and played a round of pool that we both did horribly in. I was nervous, I had no clue how to act around you anymore. And I could easily see you were too. It was cute though, you blushed every time you looked at me, and the whole time I felt light headed.
We left our friends and walked to the beach, talking about what classes we are going to take next year and how our summer is going. We sat on the sand dunes so that we could watch the waves roll in, and I must say you were a sight to see, wearing an obnoxious orange jacket and your straight hair sticking out in all directions. Then you leaned over and kissed my shoulder, and looked up at me blushing. Smiling, I leaned over, and like magic, we had our first kiss…my first kiss. It tasted like sand and mint; you must have brushed your teeth right before like I did. We had many others right after, half smile half kiss. After that, we walked back to the teen center holding hands.

Dear love,
We met at the teen center today, and made out for the first time. No offense, I have to say it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Your mom walked up behind you, and said hi. Both of us panicked and separated. Even now as I’m writing this, I’m still a little shaky. You should have told me that you were specifically told not to kiss me since we are not dating, and you got caught doing so.
I love you, and I must say you look nothing like your mother.

Dear love,
Today you told me that one of my friends asked you out, and that you turned her down. I really don’t know why you are telling me this, is it to encourage me to go out with you? Well, it’s working but its also worrying me. Am I the one you really want to go out with? You have liked so many of my friends, one of them, Bethany; you have liked for over a year before she officially shot you down and dated a junior in the middle of last year. But then again, you do say you love me, so I must be your first choice now even if I wasn’t when you first started liking me.
I hope summer ends before you lose interest.

Dear boyfriend,
I love using that word; I finally asked you out this morning and surprised you. Your saying yes has made me the happiest I’ve been since our first kiss.
I finally understand why you don’t look like your mom who walked in on us making out. She is your stepmom, and you call her mom since you haven’t seen your biological mother in years. I’m sorry.
I also have to apologize in advance to you that I’m not going to tell my father that I’m dating you. Its not that I don’t love you enough or in the least bit ashamed of you, it’s just that I …can’t. I don’t want to disappoint him.
But I am glad to hear that you and your family are going to be our new neighbors. Your new house is just around the corner of my mom’s apartment, and two houses away from my dad’s house. Maybe now I will be able to see more of you when I’m at mom’s. But I won’t be coming over on dad’s time…for obvious reasons.
Please know that without a doubt, I love you.

Dear boyfriend,
I have to admit, it was strange going back to school and letting our friends know that we are dating. Everyone seemed happy for us in general, though John asked if you paid me to date you. Weird reaction, don’t know what to think of it.
So far, I’m liking all of my classes, especially science since you sit right behind me. Now I won’t have to worry about whether or not I’m going to have a lab partner. I’ll always have you.
Photography class isn’t anything like I expected, so far all we have done is study who invented the camera and how it affected the images and the different photography styles over the years. Very boring.
AP English also is fun, but it is difficult. For the most part I didn’t have to do much thinking for English class until now. But the teacher is good so I think I’ll do fine.
But, surprise surprise, I am certain that I am going to hate Spanish II just as much as Spanish I.
Life in general is good though, especially now that I am sharing it with you. High school doesn’t appear as harsh as it used to.

Dear boyfriend,
I never went to a dance before, always have been awkward in social occasions so I dodged them whenever I could. But I’m glad I didn’t dodge this one. I wore a pink tie dye dress and you wore a plain T shirt and jeans. Your grandma took pictures of us before we left, and your mom made a comment on how I wore my covers with my dress. We danced and laughed until our feet hurt. It was fun, and I must say thank you for the wonderful time.
I have a feeling that your stepmother doesn’t like me though. I can feel her eyes watching me, waiting for me to do something wrong every time I’m there. Is it because she first met me when she caught us making out? Or is it because I am a different religion than you guys? I didn’t think it’d matter, since we are both Christian.
But at this moment, I don’t care. Nothing can spoil the wonderful mood I’m in. We have been together three months since I first said I love you (you didn’t want to count it from when I asked you out, since we were acting like we were going out before then) and I have to say I love you more each day.

Dear boyfriend,
Today I got a text from you saying that you wanted to tell me something, but I had to promise you that I won’t dump you before you say it. Like an idiot I did. You said you cheated on me with Bethany. You walked her home after she babysat your little brother and sister, and kissed her before coming back.
…How could you? I know you liked her before we started dating, and that your family hates me, but how could you? She has a boyfriend, and you have a girlfriend…you have me. And you don’t want me to leave? Are you sure you even want to be with me?
You ask me if I can find it in my heart to forgive you, and I want you to know that I already have. I love you, and I want to be with you as long as you want to be with me. I don’t want to lose you…and though I can hardly believe you did this I know we can work this out…somehow. I love you, and I am not leaving you, not over this.
Forgive me, but I will turn my phone off for a few hours, I don’t want you to see how much you hurt me. But I will come over and see you later today, just as we planned.

Dear boyfriend,
Happy birthday! I wish you the very best on this day even though I have to miss it. I hope you have an amazing time, and I just want you to know that I am very happy to be with you. I’m sure your family is throwing you a special party, and I hope you get all that you wish for. Hopefully, I’ll be able to attend your 16th birthday. I love you with all of my heart, and I’m sorry that I am gone half of the time.

Dear boyfriend,
Happy six month! I will never forget the expression on your face when you opened the present I gave you and found out it was an i-pod. Thank you for the chocolate and the necklace, I’ll wear it all the time.
I’m glad we’ve lasted for six months, forever seems more possible now. I want to promise you that I will always be there for you, that I will always love you, and that I won’t leave without trying to work things out first.
If life goes my way, we will always be together. I can see us together, ten years from now, you a successful programmer, and me a successful photographer married with a couple of kids. Your parents can’t hate me forever, and dad will finally know about you and me and we could be a happy family.
But in all honesty, I don’t care what the future brings as long as I have you to share it with.
I love you, I always will.

Dear boyfriend,
Though it didn’t go as planned, I had a great time at the Winter Formal. I was hoping that my grandma and I were going to make the dress I designed, but since we made a mistake on how big it needed to be, we ended up having to buy one at last minute. I liked this one just as well; it was black with a huge black ribbon around the waist. I got my hair curled, and even wore high heels this time around. You came a little early, and knocked on my mom’s apartment door holding a bouquet of white roses and your mom made me a white rose corsage. The corsage was way too big, and the high heels only lasted an hour, but I had an amazing time with you. I hope you had a good time too.
You’ve been saying that you want to marry me someday, and you keep apologizing for cheating on me with Bethany. I just want you to know that I want to marry you too, someday, and you can let go of what had happened in the past. I forgave you a long time ago.

Dear boyfriend,
I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how to start this. You left me a voicemail asking me to forgive you a second time; you cheated on me with Hannah at the neon dance. We’ve been together for so long and you do this again? Why? What have I done for you to do this over and over again? I have not flirted, no; I haven’t even looked at another guy since I first said I love you. I meant it from that first moment, did you? Do you even love me now? I don’t know what to think anymore. It would be easier if I could hate you, then I could just be the stronger one and leave, but I can’t. I love you. And I need you in my life. You need to know that I can’t take this again, that if you are going to keep doing this to me, have some mercy and leave me first.
You keep on saying you’re sorry, that you don’t want to lose me. And for some reason I believe you. I love you. Our eight month is in two days. So happy eight month my love, I will not leave you.

Dear love,
Forgive me; my world is crumbling right beneath my feet. I don’t know where I stand; I don’t even know what to say. I guess I’ll start from the beginning.
My sister and I got in a fight, and she threatened to tell my father that I had a boyfriend. I told him thinking that things will work out better if I told him myself. They didn’t. he told me that I have to leave you or else. I’m so sorry.
I don’t care what you’ve done in the past; I still love you with all of my heart. This love is painful and difficult, but it’s the most real thing in my life. You’re the one thing that I find precious, one thing that I find good, and I never want to let it go. But he told me to…he told me to…I’m so sorry, please forgive me.
I need you in my life; I can’t stand the idea of being without you. Please forgive me love, but I’m leaving you. I love and respect my father, but love I’m so scared of him, I can’t make you understand. But now I’m not tying you down anymore, you’re free. After this year Dad is homeschooling me for the rest of high school…I don’t know when I will see you again after that.
Maybe, in two years, if you can find it in your heart to still love me, we could be together again, and hide away from those who try to tear us down. We could have a family, we could be happy, my love what do you say to that? Will you wait for me? Either way, I will wait for you, for I will never stop loving you. You’re the one thing I refuse to give up on.

Dear love,
I have to say that we utterly fail at acting like we are broken up. We still hold hands and kiss, we just don’t have the title. It’s like we were right before we started dating. Even so, I cannot ignore my heavy heart for tomorrow is the last day of school, and after that I’m going to be homeschooled. But I’m glad the school year lasted to this important day, June 14, for exactly one year ago I first told you I loved you. I still do. We have no presents to give to each other, though you did give me a letter of apology for all of the times you cheated on me and flirted with Bethany behind my back. Honestly, I forgive you love. And I hope that someday, somehow, we will end up together again.
I promise to keep in touch.

Dear love,
For the most part of summer, everything felt alright. We still told each other I love you and said I miss you. But when school started again, things began to change. You continued to flirt with every girl you could, just as you did behind my back when we were dating…and it hurt to hear that from my friends. But that was not as bad as hearing you ask me if you could date other people.
I still love you, just as much if not more than I did before summer ended. Please do what makes you happy, don’t think of how it will affect me.

Dear love,
This morning I woke up and went through my messages. As it turns out, you texted me a goodbye, saying that you’ve just asked Bethany out. I don’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything.
I still love you, and it tears me apart that you’re dating someone else, and of all people the person you cheated on me with. I’m sure your parents are happy with the match, and I feel sorry for Bethany’s ex for I know how he feels. I wish you the best of everything, and hope that you to are happy together. I hope it was worth losing me over, worth cheating on me for.
And though I hate it, even now my heart cries out for you, I still want to be yours. I miss you; I miss the way things used to be. I can’t believe how quickly things change. I am alone, caged in by these four walls, and all I can think is that you have given up on ever being with me again.

Dear love,
I guess fate isn’t on my side; I have missed another birthday of yours. Happy sixteenth birthday my love, I wish you the best.

Dear love,
My phone went off today, and it was from you. You said that you dumped Bethany and that you still love me. You asked me to find it in my heart to forgive you for all you’ve done, that if there is a part of my heart that still loved you, that I should give you another chance. I replied with the only thing that I could say, I love you. And I still do. And though I cannot say that I am going to date you anytime soon, I still want to be there for you…I want you to be a part of my life. I love you…I always will.

Dear love,
I spent all of new years on the phone, talking to you. And I know I couldn’t have spent it in a better way. I love you, and you still love me. We have been through so much love, we have shared good times as well as bad. People think I’m stupid, my sister thinks that I’ve lost my mind but I know that if you should ever find it right to ask me out, I will say yes.
I always want to be with you.

Dear boyfriend,
Today you asked me out on the beach near the spot we had our first kiss. And I said yes. We hung out and got ice cream with a couple of friends. I can’t help but feel…guilty. I don’t know why but something doesn’t feel right. I thought that we could pick up where we left off, but something feels blatantly wrong. Maybe it’s just me being nervous. I hope this feeling wears off. I love you.

Dear boyfriend,
Tonight was a night I will never forget. I had fun at last year’s Winter Formal, but that was nothing compared to this one. I had to adjust my mom’s white winter formal dress, make it shorter and strapless as well as replace a few of the ribbons. And though you only wore a dress shirt and slacks, I swear I have never seen you look better. You just looked at me and smiled with a tenderness that I was afraid was forever lost. And I realized something. I had watched you grow up over these two years. I could have sworn on that night I saw the man you have become. I love you. You are everything to me, and I know we will always be together. I love you, thank you for loving me too.

Dear boyfriend,
I love you, and am happy to be with you again. My family took you along on our trip to Disneyland, and it was fun to go on all of the rides with you. You held my hand as we worked our way through the crowds, and got me a promise ring at one of the stores. I think it is an ugly bulky thing, but you seemed so happy that you picked it out I kept my mouth shut. Besides, I was happy that there was some sort of promise for the future.
We watched the fireworks holding each other close, and I couldn’t help but think that this will work out this time. All of the heartache, the pain, it was beginning to be worth it ten times over. I know you; I know your past and all of your secrets as you do mine. I accept them, and am willing to build a future with.

Dear boyfriend,
I can’t get over the feeling that something is wrong. I have been seeing it in your eyes for a while now, you aren’t happy. You’ve been acting different too, and even your family says that you’re acting different around me. You’re not yourself. And you keep on asking me if I am happy to be with you, as if I was the one moping around.
I just want you to know that I love you, just the way you are. Please don’t change yourself for me, and please stop this two faced act. There’s a side to you that I don’t see, the side that before flirted with other girls, the side that is now being snuffed out. Are you miserable when things are fine between us? Are you bored when there is nothing wrong?
Whatever your not telling me, I will let you keep to yourself. Just know that I love you with all of my heart, no matter what.

Dear boyfriend,
I got you a promise ring, with “I will always love you” engraved into it. You seemed happy again when I gave it to you, and I thought we finally made things ok again. But your stepmom saw it, and yelled at us saying I’m trying to corner you into marrying me. It makes no sense, since you were the one who got me a promise ring in the first place. I’m so confused. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. All I know is that I want to be with you. I hope you still want to be with me.

Dear boyfriend,
Prom was fun. You seemed to accept that I wore white feathered wings with my dress even though you said that I shouldn’t wear that to prom. But the whole time, when your mom took pictures of us, when we danced, there was a blatant distance between us. Was it because we have been fighting over religion? I can’t convert love, not if it’s forced upon me by you and your family. What religion I am is my decision, and you shouldn’t judge me because of it, you know me to well too…
I don’t know what to think anymore. I feel like I’m losing what I have fought so hard to have. I love you. I hope you had fun at prom too.

Dear boyfriend,
Happy two year since we first said I love you. Today I will surprise you with a picnic of fried chicken, cookies, and soda. I am happy to have been with you for so long, though I’m scared that we are fading. Maybe, today, we will be able to mend our differences and make things work. I love you with all of my heart. I will do everything I can to make you see that.

Dear ex.
You left me, out of the blue with no warning. Yesterday, you told me that you always want to be with me, that we will work out our religious differences, today you dumped me saying I deserve better. You said that I should date other guys, you said that you don’t want to be with me anymore.
How could you? You cheat on me, you lie to me, you date other women, flirt behind my back, and you just leave me because you found the one thing that I wouldn’t do for you? No, I wouldn’t change religions for you. Its not that I didn’t love you enough, it’s that I have done so much for you, and what have you done for me? Nothing! You couldn’t find it in your heart to.
Everything I did was wrong in your eyes, my religion, my style, how I act. I am who I am and I refuse to change for anyone, even you!
And even now I still love you, so why do you even question it? You hold it against me that I left you because my dad demanded me to when you dated me even though your parents hated me. Maybe I am weak for not fighting for you last year, I now know that I should have. But if your going to poke holes in what my weaknesses are, don’t mind me poking holes in the sort of human being you are! You can’t even like someone long enough to know what love really is, I was your second choice, the one you ran to when you could get no one else. And I am the one stupid enough to always be there, the one who always put you first even though you always put me second. And can’t believe I was fine with that! I believed every lie out of your mouth, forgave you for every time you wronged me as if it was no big deal. Well let me be the first to tell you, it was a big deal!! I did it because I was certain you felt the same way about me, certain that if the shoe is on the other foot you would forgive me to, but you can’t even forgive me for something that happened a year ago!
I once thought that you were something great, but now I know the truth. I finally see the side you were trying to hide from me over all of these years.
I hope you like being alone. For the next time you come moping around here saying your sorry and that I actually am the one you want to spend your life with, you will be greatly disappointed. I won’t fall for it. No, every text I get from you will be deleted as soon as I get it.

Dear love,
Though I can’t say I regret the words I said to you, I am sorry that they hurt you. My world without you is dark…numb…empty. I wish you would come back. I don’t know who I am without you.

Dear Friend,
I know you will probably never read this, but it needs to be written. It is funny how fast things change when you least expect them to. Our relationship was damaged at best, and ended up in ashes. Countless nights I spent crying over you, and against all odds I clung to you. And now that everything has been said and done, the letters thrown away, the gifts given back, I can’t help but think of what I have learned from you.
Whether you realize it or not you taught me to never change myself for a guy and never let love blind you from how things really are. You taught me to fight for the one I love, yet don’t put up with him if he cheats on you or if he lies to you. And lastly, you taught me that a break up should be final, no in between or getting back together.
Throughout this beautiful and painful love, I have one regret. I regret losing the friend I once had before this crazy mess took place. And if the friend I knew is still somewhere in you, I ask him to forgive me for our crash and burn ending.
I know I will never have that friend again, and I accepted that. I just want you to know that I hope that all of your dreams come true, I hope you get everything you wanted and more out of life, and that someday you find someone who makes you happy.
I forgive you for leaving me, even though it left me questioning everything. But after you left, I re discovered who I really am, learned from my mistakes and pressed forward to follow my dreams. You would be proud of me if you saw how far I’ve come from the shy fifteen year old you first dated. I even have a new love, who loves me for who I am as I love him. He was there for me when I was at my worst, and just being around him makes me happy. We have been dating for two months.
If you were to come up to me now and ask if I still love you, I would say yes, but not in the way you think. I love you as a friend, as a human being that I believe deserves the best in life. And if you were ever to need me I will be there for you. But nothing more.

Sometimes it takes complete destruction to get the new beginning you needed to become something greater than you once were. But I did cling to him, despite what anyone else said, desperate not to lose him the one person that I allowed myself to get close to. Countless nights I have spent crying over him, and surprisingly even then, I never regretted falling for him, never took back our first kiss or telling him that I love him. I wanted to be the one who loved him unconditionally no matter what he did or said; someone who loved him against all odds. And at the time, I hoped that if I loved him enough, maybe, he would stay. If I loved him enough, he would cheat on me anymore, wouldn’t leave me. But I guess I was fighting against fate, trying to ignore the inevitable. It was not meant to be. Perhaps it never was.
But even though I ended up broken hearted countless times, it was not in vain. Deep inside my heart I know that I wouldn’t be the same person I am today or have this beautiful life that I do now if it weren’t for him. And because of that I will always be indebted to him.

To lose someone you loved deeply hurts, and moving on is nothing but painful. But if you find who you really are during the process, it is worth it a thousand times over.