My body shattered to pieces but somehow I remained in the same position. I was angry and sad and I didnt know how to react. Why would he leave us? Did he not want us? Was I not a good enough daughter? I slammed the door and I crouched down leaning back on the door. I just let all the water from my eyes form a waterfall. I carefully crossed my legs and tipped my head back.
     “Cassidy!” my dad says pounding on my door assuming i’ll open after what I just had read. I slowly open the door and sit back down, knowing whatever he will say will make me cry even more. He sat beside me.
    “Cass I might have to leave but you can at least be nice until then.” He says grabbing me for a hug. I was not in the mood but I let him hug me. “When I get back…”
“...If you.” I interrupt, his face turns to a lighter shade and he stands up and dusts his pants off. His mouth opens but no words come out. He sighs and drags his feet around waiting for words to come to him. Finally he spoke,
“Cass I won’t die.” He whispers. His voice cracks and I know he is unsure about that statement.
Doesn’t it hurt knowing you have killed someone? Then you will feel bad and why feel bad when you can just stay here.” I say hoping it will make him feel guilty and want to stay but I know that’s not possible. I look at the ground as a cry and his arms wrap around me. My heart burns knowing that this could be one of the last hugs.
“I don’t know. Sure it will sting but i’ll know I am doing it for the right reason. But I will be back.” I shrug because honestly I don't know if he will come back and that makes me cry even more.
“You promise?”
“I promise.” His soothing voice calms me down and I lay on his hairy legs. He brushes my red hair off my forehead and looks me in my eyes.
“Your green eyes remind me of your mom when I met her,” He says.
“How so?”
“When I walked into that bar I looked right into her eyes and knew she was the one.” I notice my sister Sam standing at the door. I motion her to come and sit with us and she slowly walks over.
“Did mom notice you like you noticed her?” She asks.
“Oh no no no, your mom was with a guy! On a date!” He laughs. We sit there for another hour talking about how Mom and Dad got together. But soon enough, Dad walks out of my room and I can tell he is about to cry so I don't say anything for him to come back.
“He is going to miss you and mom.” Sam says sighing. She picks up a picture frame and frowns because she sees how it’s just me, mom, and dad. She sets it down and sits next to me.
“And you.” I say looking at her confused. She awkwardly laughs.
“He loves you. He takes Mondays and Fridays off to be with you. Not me. He comes and says goodnight to you but never to me. He loves you. He doesn’t know I’m here half the time. He doesn’t even know my favorite restaurant and he brings you to yours every weekend,” she mumbles.
“He loves you too Sam.”
“Right.” She gets up to leave but I stop her.
“I am serious.”
“I have never heard him say the words “I love you Sam.” She whispers, looking around to see if dad heard her. She shoves my hand off her and runs to her room. I get up to go get her but realize she seems like she needs space, so I walk into my bed and read a book until I finally fall asleep.

The next day when I woke up I saw my clothes laid out nicely on the bottom of my bed. I knew it was dad just trying to be nice before he leaves but it didn’t change anything. I still went down the stairs practicing putting a fake smile so dad wouldn’t get all stressed and mad at me. I put my red hair in a messy ponytail and smiled to myself. But the more I tried to smile the more I wanted to cry. When I reached the table my dad was there making pancakes (my favorite) so the days he is here he can make me as happy as ever. I smile and he serves me 3 pancakes with chocolate chips.
“Cass guess what,” he doesn’t give me time to guess and keeps talking with his mouth full.  “So I called my boss, Joan, the head of the Navy Seals, and I asked him how long I would be gone. And he said... 6 months. Isn’t that fantastic! I expected a year but this better, I’ll be home for in time for your birthday.” He says with a mouth full of bacon.
“You won’t be here for Christmas?” I say trying not to start crying again. I shove a buttery piece of pancake in my mouth as my mom walked in.
“No Cassidy, but he will call us.” She manages to say. Her voice sounds unsure. Gosh we were all unsure. She swoops me up for a hug but I deny it and continue to eat. I shove my fork in my stack and remove it and shove it in my mouth. She looks hurt and goes back upstairs.
“I need to go out for the bus.” I say leaving the rest of the pancakes. I go and grab my backpack and swing it on my back. I hear my dad mumbling in the kitchen. I scream goodbye and my mom yells from upstairs,
“Don’t forget dad’s goodbye dinner with the Coopers.”

“Cass!” That was the sound Molly Cooper, my best friend. She rushed over. She gave me a short hug and started talking.
“It will be alright as long as you have me.” She says shoving her blonde hair behind her. The bus stopped an inch away from us, and we got in. We found our seat in the back and sat down in the same seat as everyday because it was away but not to far from everyone else. It was the best seat on the bus and now that we have been in the same bus for 3 years we earned them.
“Fill me in.” Molly stated. So I did.
“So, we were eating lunch and we got a letter, it said to Peter McCoy so he opened it. He read it 3 times before showing me and my mom. It said about how much they were honored to have him and stuff, Than it said a bunch of stuff about wanting him in three days and stuff. He was so happy. His face lit up and everything.” Molly gasped.
“I promise it will be fine.” Molly says squeezing my pale arm. So many promises. So many that could be broken.
“You can’t promise that,” I mumble. She turns to me confused.
“Huh?”
“You can’t promise it will be fine. It’s not going to be fine.” I say fiddling with a rubber band. She plops it out of my hands and grabs my fingers and looks at me as if she were searching for something.
“It is going to be fine. He will be back before you know it.”
“Promise?”
“I can’t promise because I could be wrong but I promise you I believe everything is going to be alright. Is that good enough for you Cassidy McCoy?” She laughs. I nod in approval and look out the window for the rest of the bus right. When we got there I trudged out the bus and when we approached the front of school Molly handed me a stack of papers
“Here.” Molly said. I look at her confused. “This will take your dad off your mind. Hang them between lockers 456-678 by the end of tomorrow,” she states.
“Do I have a choice.” I mumbled. Luckily she didnt hear me and she walked to homeroom leaving me there with her papers. I spotted a trash can nearby and ran to it plopping the papers inside it.
“That goes in the recycling bin.” A voice says.
“Does it look like I care.” I groan. I turn around to see Carrie Jones standing there.
“I’m kidding.” She laughs. “Heard about your dad. To bad. Ill let you borrow mine sometime.” She says. She giggles. Her voice sounding like breaking glass. If only she were glass so I could break her. I rolled my eyes and walked away. I stopped and looked back.
“At least my dad was around.” I yelled. I headed toward my homeroom number 345. I was really lucky to have that homeroom because my homeroom teacher, Ms. MacDraw was the nicest lady ever and when I walked in I found my seat next to Lily Henderson. Molly hates Lily because she is jealous I hang out with her a lot.
“Hey,” She says.
“Class settle down!” Ms. M yelled before I could reply to Lily. Homeroom went by in a flash and before you know it I in first period.
“Class we have a project!” Mr. Clarence announced. Mr. C was my English teacher I loved him but I hate projects. Lily and Molly were in my ELA class which made it my favorite class of the day. “We are going to pair up and talk about our parent’s job..” my soul dropped. Of course it had to be about parents. About moms and dads. About my father who's leaving. I just knew the universe hated me. “You are not allowed to do it about a stay at home parent” Mr. C said then he chuckled. That would mean I have to do my dad before he leaves. I sighed loud enough for everyone to hear me. “But if you work with a partner or a group you must do two separate essays but work together, good luck and may the odds ever be in your favor.” Mr. C loved the book the hunger games he always quoted May the odds ever be in our favor he always laughed after. “you may use this time to start working” he says. We all got up and went to look for a partner.
“Cassidy!” someone called. I assumed it was Molly or Lily but it wasn’t either one. It was Matt. “Want to work together?” he asks. I thought this was a joke but he looked dead serious. Molly looked at me giving me a say yes look. I nodded.
“Sounds…great.” My voice cracked and I blushed.  “What does your dad do?” I asked. He didn’t say anything. I asked him again.
“My dad died a long time ago he worked for the army.” He mumbled. My expression changed.
“I am so sorry,” I whisper.
“It is fine. It’s been a couple years.”
“My dad's about to leave with the navy seals.” I say. He looks at me with a blank stare.
“Wait Peter McCoy?”
“Yeah.”
“I remember him.”
“How?”
“My dad used to be his best friend.” He mumbles. I don’t ask anymore questions.
“Well we have the same thing. I guess we can do one.” He says trying to get me to laugh. I gave him a cheesy thumbs up and grinned.
“So… What's your mom do?” He says trying to change the subject. He bites his eraser.
“Nothing, What about yours?” I ask.
“Stay at home” he says rolling his eyes. We talk for a while and decide we will interview my dad.
“One second.” I say. He nods and I walk out of the room and head to my locker.
“Back already?” Matt teases. I sit down.
“Matt?” I ask waiting for his attention.
“That's what they call me” he says looking up.
“Did you cry when ur dad died? Matt smiles.
“Of course I did but i'm over it. He died as a hero. Best way to die if you ask me.” i took in his words and smiled. We talked some more until the period was over and then it was onto the rest of the day. 




Chapter 2:
         After school I waited for Molly so we could walk home. By the time she got out it was 4:00.
“What took you so long I have to be home” I complained. She put her hands up.
“Never asked you to wait did I?” She remarked.
“Who’s your partner” I asked changing the subject because I could tell she was grouchy.
“Lily.”  She said. She didnt continue talking and kept her mouth shut. I could tell something was up. I let her be and when I got home the outside looked funky I could tell mom wanted it to look happy when really in the inside she feels the opposite. The door has streamers all over it. When I walked in mom had news.
“Guess what” she says extremely happy.
“What” I mumble knowing whatever she says won't change the fact that dad is leaving.
“The Henderson’s are coming” my mom said in a high voice. Of course she had to make it worse. Inviting Lily and her family!  Molly and Lily together, not good.
“They will be here in an hour so go get ready I started the shower for you in case you want to shower. And also I invited the Hickory’s.”
“MOM!” the Hickory’s was Matt and his family. How did my parents know them? Then it hit me. I went upstairs into mom and dad's room to see if dad was there. I walked into the bathroom and stopped I walked back and I saw a picture album. I decided to take a look. I know I will cry so I leap under my parents’ covers and start to skim it. I see a lot of funny pictures of my grandfather on missions. And a lot of my dad in the navy headquarters. I spot an old rusty picture of my grandpa and my dad and someone around the same age as my dad. They both were kids. And then I flipped the page and found a picture that explained it all. My dad was friends with Mr. Hickory before he died like Matt said. There was a picture of my dad at the funeral. I was about to start crying until I heard my dad.
“Cass are you ready?” he called. He saw me looking at the photos.
“What did you see” he smiles
“Dad?” I ask.
“Yes?” he sat down next to me.
“Was Mr. Hickory a hero?” I asked. My dad turned white as a ghost.
“Mr. Hickory, Tom was my best friend and yes he was a hero he went to fight and he got shot it was to bad I couldn’t see him in person I saw it though the computer and now I want to follow his footsteps, he has a boy your age.” My dad wipes his tears.
“Matt is my project partner.” I whisper,
“Heard he is good at school. I have met Matt once when he was a baby. It will be nice to see him today.” He whispers back.
“I guess,” I leave the room and go into mine. I slip on my clothes and go back in his room but he is not there anymore he is down stairs. That moment was gone but it’s never going to be forgotten. Down stairs I hear talking. It's Molly’s family. I hear Molly talking to my mom about her clothing and I hear my mom tell her to head up to find me and I hear her walk up.
“Hey,” she says as she spots me.
“Hey” i reply casually.
She sat down beside me and didnt say anything.
“Molly will you ever leave me.” I ask removing my head from her lap. She pulls me back down.
“I don't know. We will fight and maybe we will end up hating each other but lets not think about the future.”  She said and I knew what she meant. Her words hurt but I didnt say anything else.
“Hey,” Lily mumbled. She knew she was interrupting
“Am I a hero?” I asked randomly.
“No” Molly said. I couldn’t believe what she had said.
“A hero is someone who does something to save us. To me you are a hero. But you can make a mark and I will be by your side all along that road.” Molly says. I had no idea what she just had said but I knew she was right. The doorbell rang and I rushed to open the door. The hickory’s.
“Shake there hands.” Molly whispered. There was a tall woman next to two tall boys and there was matt. Matt looked at me in surprise.
“Hi you must Mrs. Hickory.” I say shaking her hand.
“You must be Cassidy, Matt talks about you all the time. I have been dying to meet you.” I blush. So does Matt. I bat my green eyes. And molyy motions me to cut it out.
“Stop you look like a freak when you do that.” She whispers making sure they don’t hear us.
“Lidia! Hello” my mom says giving her a hug. The go into the kitchen and his brothers go and greet my dad. Matt stands there staring at me. I wave.
“Hey.” He says.
“Hi.” We awkwardly stand there until Molly decides to take over.
“Monopoly?” She offers.
“Sure.” I mumble. Of course she had to pick the game I played, well now used to play, with dad every Sunday. We set up the board and played for about 20 minutes. We laughed and screamed and it was a a lot of fun until Mom crashed it.
“Time for dinner!” Matt stood up first.
“Ms. McCoy it smells amazing!” Matt says softly. My mom beams with pride and moves her blonde messy hair behind her ears. Matt follows her to the dining room leaving us to clean up.
“That was fun.” Lily says flicking a monopoly $10 bill at me.
“It’s going to be even more fun when I stuff my face with your mom's amazing meatballs.” Molly teases. We laugh and I shove the monopoly box under the coach and run to the table.
“So thankful to have you here.” Mom starts off. She takes a sip from her red wine.
“Mr. McCoy, I hate to ask but, was my dad a nice man to you?” Matt asks looking at my dad. Molly shots me a what look.
“Matthew, he was a great man and he was a hero. And I will be fighting in his footsteps. A toast to your father,” He holds out his cup and they start clinking their cups.
“Cass, your cup.” My dad motions. I look up at everyone looking at me.
“To Matt's father.” I say clearly. Matt smiles. I give him a weak smile and look back at my plate. I drag my fork around the mashed potatoes and my mom coughs and gives me a stern look.
“Cassidy, I know you don’t want him to leave but he is whether you like it or not. So I suggest you lighten up a bit and enjoy this goodbye dinner for him.” She whispers. “After all it could be our last.” She mumbles after. I don’t speak for a while and nobody says anything about it because they all understand. I just listen to the laughs, the cries, the whispers and it makes it all okay. After all it could be the last.

Chapter 3 the big day
                     Panic starts to rise up all over my body. Today was the day my dad was leaving. I didn’t bother to get out of bed. I waited. I waited for my dad to come wake me up to tell me to get in the shower. I fell back asleep. I woke up with another flicker of panic. Sweat went all over my body. I couldn’t feel my face. I looked at my clock 12:39 the clock read I fell out of my bed. My dad hadn’t woken me up?! I ran down stairs and found my dad sipping on coffee.
“Morning honey” he said causally.
“Why didn’t you wake me up!” I complained.
“I thought you would want to spend the day with me” he says grinning. I ran and gave him a hug. I cried. I cried until he said,
“I know! Why don’t we go build a treehouse so that’s where you can feel like i'll be with you for the next 6 months?” he says, with the I have a idea look. I don't need to answer we both went outside.
“Let me get my tools.” He says looking up at the big sappy tree in front of us. It was a perfect tree. It was made out of oak and it had the biggest branches and knows it would be our tree. And I might have looked stupid but I hugged the tree. This tree would get me through the 6 months ahead of me. My dad came back with a bruised eye.
“Dad what happened?” I said starting to panic. Dad was not ready to go without mom and me.
“Nothing, hammer hit me.” He said squeezing his eye shut. I sat next to him and grabbed a towel and a hose. I put a dash of water on the towel and put it on my dad’s eye.
“Cass sweetie, come here” he says his hands open for a hug. I reached in for him. Dad squirted my eyes with water from the hose. We both laughed for about 20 minutes. Then we both looked at the tree.
“Let’s do this” Dad said. I laughed. For the next hour we hammered and held heavy stuff. I was so tired we took a break. When we get back, I hammer and he holds the nail. Everytime I hammered i remembered a memory. I remembered a time when My dad and I were at the park. I was about 4 or 6.
“Daddy! Over there !” I remember saying. He had turned around. My dad had acted like there was some kind of alien. I stuck out my hand and handed him my fake shield. He took it and started acting like he was killing the alien creature.
“Cass!” My dad said bringing me back to reality. A tear sprung from my eye. I wiped it before he could see it. My memory had an effect on me. It was one of those memories that didn't matter at the time but now it does.
“Dad?”
“Yes Cass?” He responded
“I love you” I say. He smiles. I remembered that smile. It was the smile were you could tell he was guilty.
“What's wrong” I ask.
“Nothing why would you say that” he went back to hammering. I knew he had another secret. I gave him a look.
“Cass, I'm scared.” He says. That was it I went back to the tree house. I didn't know what to say.
“Dad me too.” He looks at me. His face is plain I can't tell what he is thinking. He comes and hugs me. He looks at his watch and looks disappointed.
“Cass, I'm leaving in 15 minutes” he says. This time I don't cry. My mom interrupted.
“I'm home” she pants. She runs up to my dad and kisses him. She moves my hair behind my ear.
“It'll be okay.” She whispers and pulls us both for a hug. I hear a honk.
“That's my cue.” He whispers. My mom nods. We head inside for his stuff.
“Cass I almost forgot! I got something for you!” He says grabbing something out of his pocket. He hands it to me. It was a keychain that had a monkey on it. I gave him a hug. I heard another honk. He whispers something to my mom and all I hear is a
“Oh” he kisses her for about a minute and then he hops on the car. He waves. And my mother and I start crying and crying. He blows us kisses. And I hug my mom. We both cry there for another 30 minutes.
“Mom, is he gonna die be honest.” I ask looking up at her.
“Honey I don't know the answer to that. We will just have to pray to God.” She says. We head in inside. 
“Mom can we pray.” I ask. She nods. We sit down.
“I'll start, God I will never understand why dad had to go. But I know everything has a reason. Please protect him and us in everyday you can. Amen” I say. My mom starts to cry and she pulls me in for a hug.
“Beautiful Cass” she says touching my hair.
“Please don't call me Cass” I say starting to get angry. I calm myself down. It's not her fault I tell myself. She feels the same pain.
“Time to go to bed” she states. I don't argue and I head straight upstairs. I go inside my bedroom. There's a note on the bottom of the bed. I open the note and read
Dear Cass,
          Hey, I know you're probably crying right now but know I love you. Please help your mother it's a difficult time for her. The monkey I gave you has meaning it was mine when I was little my dad gave it to me when he went to war. Keep it with you. I don't have more time because you're gonna wake up soon. But take care of your mother and yourself. Love you Cass
Your Dad
I don't notice but I have more tears on my face. I don't wipe them off. Instead i keep them here because i know i will keep crying. I spot a picture turned around facing the wall. Its frame is gold. I don’t know what it is because i have never seen it before. I get off my bed and go toward the gold. I flip it around and i see a old picture it’s of my mom and I. the photo looks like it was rushed to fit it in the frame. I stare at it for a moment and scream. I don't know why i screamed but i did. This time tears weren't in my eyes it was fear. I panicked. My mom came rushing in.
“CASS calm down!” She says. I don't. instead smash the picture into pieces.
“It's a sign!” I scream and i start to cry.
“What sign?” She asks. But i know she knows.
“Dads gone.” I say. “I can feel it” my mom doesn't say anything. I know she knows it could possibly be true. She sits down next to me and says,
“God is with him. And you” she gets up and leaves the room. I hide my face in my legs. I open up a page in my notebook…
Take me instead.
I don't know why i wrote that.
I dial Lily's number but she doesn't pick up. I call Molly but she doesn't pick up either. I go to the bathroom and take a lot of toilet paper and wrap it around my hands. I wipe it on my eyes and throw it away. When I get back in my room i look on my phone. I clicked on instagram. My mom had let me get it on my birthday last year. I scroll down and something catches my eye. I scroll a little up. Lily and molly are at my favorite ice cream place Ice cream for losers. They are wearing matching outfits. Ding another post from lily's account. The caption said here with my best friend.  BEST FRIEND? Since when? I look where they are at in the picture. Its old school pizzeria. I grab my bag and i go out the door. I don't tell my mom because my mom doesn’t care. When i arrive i see lily and molly through the window. They are laughing together. I go inside and order a pizza. I don't want them knowing i'm here so i put on a big floppy hat. I hear lily,
“Cassidy is always complaining about her dad leaving. I wonder what she will be like when he dies.” She laughs hysterically. I slump down in my chair.
“Dad leave yet?” Someone says. I look up. It’s Matt. He takes a seat next to me. I grin.
“Yep.” I look over at lily. I thought she was different.
“What are you a spy or something.” I laugh as he says that.
“Matt, i need to ask you something.” I state.
“Yep shoot” he says.
“Do you miss your dad. Do you cry everyday.” I ask. He takes the smile off his face. I take back what i said. I feel so bad.
“Nope i don't cry. Of course i miss him. But my dad died doing something to save other people. He died for millions of others.” He says the smile comes back to his face.
“Wow i didn't think of it like that.” I say shocked.
“And Cassidy those friends…” he points to lily and molly. “They will still love you if your dad… doesn’t make it.” He says. He looks at his phone.  “I gotta go catch you later.” He says. I wave, and smile. I look back at my friends. I walk over taking my hat off.
“Cass!” Lily grabs me for a hug. “I was worried about you. Did your dad leave?” She rumbles. Molly snorts. She doesn't come comfort me she just sits there laughing.
“Too bad he's gonna die” Molly says giggling. Lily smacks her.
“Molly!” She screeches. I just stand there shocked. What happened to her. I don’t cry instead i go over to her a punch her right in the face. Blood goes down her nose and her mouth. She starts to scream. I run. I run to my home. Where i will never have to face her again. I look behind me and i see lily running after me.
“CASS STOP!” She screams. I stop like if she controlled me too. She comes over to me.
“Nice!” She says giggling.
“Why did you post a picture of you and molly besties if you don't care if she gets punched?” I mumble hoping she didn't hear me.
“Huh?” She looks confused. She goes on her phone.
“Oh that molly posted it.” She says snorting.
“Why would you guys go and eat without me?” I say louder.
“Um...” She hesitates. “Project! Yes the project.” She yells.

Chapter 3

My phone rings. It's my mom. Lily nods for me to answer. Her and I were eating pizza at Papa Gino’s. It's been a month since dad left and I was feeling much better. He sent us letters often to check in and it was heartwarming.
“Hey mom” I say into the phone. I bite into my third slice.
“Cass come home now!” She says crying.
“What's going on…”
“I said NOW!” She screams into the phone. She hangs up before I respond and look I up at Lily.
“I gotta go something bad happened.” I tell her.
“I'll walk with you.” I didn’t tell her it wasn't necessary because i wanted her to. We arrived at my house a minute later. In my driveway i see a car from the army. Shock hit me. Panic rose throughout my body. I knew what had happened. It had to be my dad.
“Need me to come in?” Lily asks. I nod.
“It's fine I got it from here. Thanks” she gives me a quick hug and walks away. When I walk in i see my mom on the couch crying and my sister beside her.
“Mom?” My body is already shaking. “What happened to dad.” She can't responded because her tears are too loud.
“Honey…” she cries into my shoulder.
“Cassidy McCoy?” I whip myself around to find myself facing a tall navy seal.
“What happened to my dad?” Tears already begin to form underneath my eyes. “Tell me he is ok” I whisper. I know he can't tell me that.
“As much as I want to… I can't.” He says releasing all the air out of his body. My heart sinks and I collapse. “Cassidy hear me out please.” As much as I didn't want to I got up and looked the Navy Seal in the eyes. “Your father this morning, was out in the open… and someone shot him. I'm not allowed to go into more detail and I'm assuming that's all you want to know.” I screamed and cried and yelled and did anything I could to express my sadness.
“Why me? He promised me he would come back! He lied to me.” I yelled. My tears rolled faster down my cheeks and my body croaked.
“Cassidy he told me to give you this before he left in case he were to… die,” the man said. He slipped a sheet of paper in my hands. “Oh and if you ever need anything you can call me.” He also handed me a business card. I nodded and wiped a tear underneath my eye. 
The navy seal left a few minutes later and I carefully opened up the crumpled piece of paper. There was a picture of the villain from my favorite movie and my dad fighting it with a sword. Below it was some words in my dad's awful messy handwriting.
Dear, best friend, Cass I’m assuming Sergio gave you this and I’m dead. But I’ll love you in heaven. Please don’t cry Cass I’m in heaven and you will be just fine. I promise. When I’m finished reading the letter I crumple it up and throw it at the wall. My sister picks it up and reads it in her head.
“So many promises and he can't keep them.”
“Stop it Sam! Mom!” I scream.
“Samantha McCoy!” My mom yells.
“Sorry Dad's dead and your daughter thinks he is somehow going to come back. I’m trying to kill off the fantasies in her head.” She turns to me. “Dad is gone and is never coming back so stop telling yourself that!” She screams.
“Samantha go to your room now!” My mom yells.
“I like it there because it doesn’t lie to me.” She mumbles. Mom's anger fades and she goes up to her room leaving me alone in the living room. I fold back up the paper and reach for the key chain. I throw it into the floor and stomp on it. Once it’s shattered, I go upstairs to my quiet and lay on my bed and fall asleep.

The next morning I don't bother to get up and my mom doesn't even come to wake me up. We both stay in our beds for half the day until I decide to get up. I slid my slides on and walked down stairs to find my sister on the couch talking to someone on the phone. The only words i can hear between sobs are no. As much as i want to go cry with her i contain myself and walk to the kitchen. On the fridge i find a picture of my dad wearing his uniform. He looks so happy and proud to be wearing that suit that i realized he died doing what he loves. It makes me want to cry even more but before i can i shove a banana in my mouth. I choke on it but it doesn't even bother me. I look through the window to find my sister's reflection behind me.
“Cass… Cassidy” She corrects herself quickly to make sure I don't start screaming at her. But truth is I wouldn't have gotten mad because it made me feel like Dad was here. “Its for you,” she hands me the phone and I softy let it fall into my hands.
“Hello” i say
“Hello is this Cassidy McCoy speaking?”
“Afraid so,”
“Oh great, i was wondering if you were planning on attending to the ceremony tonight i already heard from your parents…” the lady on the phone stops herself and leaves an awkward pause.. “i mean your mother and your sister that they were coming so wanted to check in with you.”
“What ceremony…”
“Your fathers..” Another long pause.
“I will be attending.” I quickly hang up and shove my face in a pillow. Nobody hears me scream except the green beaten up pillow. I don't know how I feel. I feel angry, sad, i feel hatred. I kick the wall with my foot as if the wall had killed my father. I don't know what to do except hit things. It takes out my anger and makes me think of beating up the person who killed my dad. My sister watches me and i can feel her eyes silently judging me. She doesn't get up and tell me to stop. She doesn't yell for mom. She just watches me. I let her. I let her watch me cry. She gets up and hugs me and I feel her tears hit my head. I don't say anything but she responds,
“I miss him too.” I sob more and so does she and we both look at each other in a understanding way. Never have i ever seen my sister cry. She doesn't even talk to me ever. Its as if dad's life taken away and brought one for my sister. I want to stay mad at the world but i can't. As much as i hate to say it i have to move on. He isn't coming back.
“He's gone forever.” I whisper.
“Not for me.” She gets up to leave and i let her. I didn't understand what she had meant but i didn't bother to ask. I sat on the kitchen floor for another  hour just thinking sad thoughts until my mom finally got out of bed.
“Hi Cassidy how are you feeling?” She grabs a cheeto bag and opens it and takes one out and gets ready to bite into it but stops. She takes the bag and throws it away.
“Your dad always said I should start a diet with him.” She mumbles. My mom always are junk food she wasn't overweight but she definitely wasn't healthy. She wasn't the skinniest but she managed to be decent. Dad ate somewhat ok but he always looked out for mom. He made her go to the gym at least once a week with him and he was always helping her. He would tease her about how much junk she ate so they would always talk about a diet. Mom never did but my dad did. He go in better shape over time and it was impressive. Mom on the other hand ate a lot more junk. She said this to calm herself down. It didn't work. She burst out crying. I tried to sooth her but i knew it was pointless. So i changed the subject.
“Hungry? I can attempt to make something”. I peeked to see if she was smiling. Nope. Still crying. “I know how to make lasagna, dad taught me…” i bite my lip regretting saying the word dad but she smiled.
“Lasagna sounds wonderful Cass” i didn't bother to correct her and call me Cassidy so i grinned and got up from the floor to start making it.
I took out the recipe my dad wrote himself and followed it. Lasagna was my favorite. Every Christmas eve my dad and I would make his special recipe of lasagna and we would all eat it until we felt full. Sam hated lasagna so she would eat her weird salad. We would put on the old country music nobody likes and sing along until our throats felt numb. When I went to sleep every Christmas Eve my dad would whisper on my ear,
“Santa might bring you lasagna.” And I would groan and pat my stomach.
“Too full.” I’d mumble. And that became my favorite time of the year.
“Mom wanna help.” I ask stirring the sauce. She closed the fridge and looked at the recipe.
“Sure why not.” She smiled. She laid out the pasta and I put on the sauce and she would sprinkle the cheese. We put on country music even though my mom hated it and we sang along. My mom smiled and that made me fill with joy.
“I love you mom.” I whisper.
“I love you too.” She hugged me and I smeared sauce on her face. “Cass!” She shrieked. She laughed and threw cheese at my face and chased me around the kitchen. We spent the time with the lasagna in the oven by dancing around and laughing.
     Later that night when me and my mom sat down to eat our lasagna we called for my sister. She didn't respond so my mom made me go get her from her room. She wasn't in there so I tried the bathroom. I knocked softly and no response. So I opened the door. At that moment I regretted opening that door. I didn't want to be here. Why has God done this to me? My body shatters and I scream. My life has been sucked out and I scream loud enough for anyone to hear me. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't do anything. My life has just took another turn. I can't deal with this. My mom runs to me and her face washes out into a shade of white when she looks at the bathtub where my sister now laid motionless. She doesn't speak. She screams. I look at her and she looks at me. We both couldn't handle this right now. Blood. Lots of blood. Too much for me. I want to sink into a puddle but I remain In the same figure. It wasn't sadness it was fear. What was I going to do now. No dad. Now no sister. I should've understood when she said “Not for me” she meant she would see him in heaven. I could've saved her. If it weren't for that stupid lasagna. It's all my fault. I could've stopped her. I could've let her live. Mom called the cops as I sat next to my sister and I cried my heart out until there were no tears coming out. Why me? Why couldn't God take me instead? I knew dad's death was hard to handle but we all were in the same situation. I bite my lip until it's purple. My eyes dry out from crying and i look at sam's body. She deserved better. I wish she was here right now alive so I could tell her I love her. Tell her she is a human who needs to be here. My dad dying was already enough. Sam was never that sociable so she wouldn't tell mom and dad anything. She would come into my room at night and we would stay up late talking about the drama. I wouldn't understand why she would complain about anything if her life was perfect. She had great grades. She had many friends. Even a boyfriend named John. She was pretty and she had it all. I was always jealous of her. She would always stroke my hair and tell me she had to take me to Switzerland one day because she thought it was the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. She would make me pinky promise to go with her one day. I promised all right. She would show me pictures and everything. The cops snapped me out of my thoughts and asked me questions.
“Has she ever said anything to you that could've lead to suicide?” One cop asked.
“Sorta.” I look back at her body.
“Cassidy we need real answers please,” he remarks.
“I told her that I missed my dad and he's gone and she said not for me” he writes that down on his pad of paper and asks if anything else. I nod my head and he walks to my mom. I remember that one time she had told me she didn't want to live. I didn't understand her at the time.
“Cass, death could solve problems.” She told me. I never told my mom she said that and she never brought it up again so I assumed it wasn't an issue. I look at my mom cry and the cop try to calm her down, I look at Sam's body. I look at myself in the mirror. All theses things were not complete. I needed my dad and my sister in my life. The tears running out of my eyes formed puddles around me. I laid against the wall crying. Why. Why me. Why to me and my mom. I stroked Sam's bloody dead hair and held her hand. My hand turned red and smeared down my sleeves. It didn’t bother me though.

The ceremony was today. As a 14 year old I wasn't ready to go to a funeral. It was only a couple days after Sam’s death so I was still crying a lot. The ceremony/funeral was now for both Sam and my dad. It was doubly sad in other words. Whenever the man said one of their names I would shake with sadness. My mom squeezed me to let me know she was with me. I had prepared a speech for both of them and to be honest there were very good. You could feel how sad i was by reading it. I was afraid of public speaking so i was nervous to go up and read it so i practiced it in my head several times before they called me up. When i got called up Molly who was sitting behind us tapped my shoulder and whispered in my ear,
“You will do fine.” Her voice calmed my heart down from beating so fast. I got up from the pew and leaped over my mom. As I made it down the aisle people's eyes stared at me. I looked at my feet and made sure they aligned as i walked. I was so nervous i was shaking. What if I started to cry? As I continued to look down something was under my foot. I carefully removed my foot and found a $100 bill right there. Now i wasn't sure whether to take in front of that many people or to continue walking up so I paused.
“Can you please continue to walk forward.” The priest guy said. I quickly took the bill shoved it in my pocket and walked fast to the alter. I pushed my red hair behind my ear and walked.
“Hello I am Cassidy McCoy, daughter of Peter McCoy and sister of Lily McCoy... My father passed away a couple days before my sister. My sister committed suicide…” i paused and pushed back my tears. “It was hard for me to handle my dad's death and it didn't help when my sister… died. My dad died saving people. He died doing what he loves. He died a hero. That makes me feel great and sad because he is a good man. My sister never talked much but when she did she was very nice to me. I loved her. When i saw her dead body in that bathtub i didn't know what to do. It was like a manufuncain.” Some awkward laughs filled the crowd. I was confident now. “I would give God my life for theirs in a heartbeat. But I'm afraid it's not possible. I don't know when i will be able to pass this or if i will ever, but it is a good thing. It shows my real love for them. I will pray every night hoping they will hear me in heaven. Please do so also. Thank you.” Claps filled the crowd and some were crying. My eyes didn't fill with tears but with pride. I walked back to my mom's pew and she squeezed me.
“That was amazing Cass… I mean Cassidy. Sorry takes a while getting used to”
“No mom it's fine. Cass is fine.” I lean in and her tears hit my head. As the next people spoke I looked out the window and doze off until my mom taps my shoulder lightly.
“As long as your right here next to me everything will be alright. “ she whispers nudging me. I smile up at her and hug her.
“Everything happens for a reason.” With that my mom loses it. Her cries turn harder and her face had a huge smile.
“I love you Cass.”
“I love you too mom.” I knew we both needed each other right now. I was all she had and she was all I had. She squeezed me and then released. The priest talked for another hour and then we all got to eat food outside.
“I’m really sorry Cassidy.” A voice said behind me. It was Matt.
“Oh it’s fine.” I reply moving my hair behind my ear.
“No it’s not. I remember lying to myself about how it was fine but it’s not. Dads death was not fine.” He mumbles.
“Appreciate what you have.” I pat his back awkwardly and he stays silent until he says something softly,
“Your sister took her life away.”
“You're not making it better.” I laugh.
“Sorry I mean, your sister took her own life away when my dad died and your dad died unintentionally.”
“Yeah…”
“I mean no judge but that's uncool.” Right then I did something i shouldn't have done. I punched him.
“Cassidy McCoy!” My mother shrieked. She ran over to Matt and wiped the blood off his face with a paper towel. “Cassidy why on earth would you do such a thing?!”
“He …” I paused. I didn’t know how to explain it to her and everyone was looking at me.
“Well what! Speak Cassidy!”
“He criticized sam. He had no right to talk about my sister that way.” I whisper hoping she didn’t hear me. Her face turned from mad to sorta happy and she started to smile.
“Oh Cass,” she hugged me. “I know this is hard, it’s hard for me too, but we have to learn how to handle this. Sam and Dad are not coming back.” She gulps back her tears and I hold back mine.
“Why would Sam do this to us?” I knew my mom couldn’t answer but she still tried.
“She clearly had issues we didnt know about. She made a stupid decision and didn’t  understand it would impact us.”
“I thought I loved her enough but clearly it was not enough.”
“Cass it is not your fault.”
“Mom! I cannot go through life knowing that my family died and I’m alive so it has to be my fault. I can’t do this.”
“You're not alone.” Matt whispers. I turn around to him bloody. “I’m sorry I said that I just had sad memories about my dad.”
“It’s fine,” I mumble.
“I’m not kidding Cassidy you are not alone.” He points behind me. I turn around slowly and see Molly and Lily talking. “I know they don’t seem like it right now but they will help you get through this. You're not alone.” I swear I was about to hug him but I realized he was still bloody and on the ground. I helped him up and he went back to his mom. I walked towards my friends and stopped once I was in front of them.
“I’m not fine.” I burst into tears and Molly hugged me.
“I know.” She whispered. I looked up at her and squeezed her.
“I have nobody left.” I cried. She pushed me off and looked into my eyes.
“Are you that blind?” It took me a minute to respond,
“What?”
“Look around Cassidy. Your mom, Me, Matt, Lily, for the love of… you have the entire town left. We are all with you! How can you think you are alone?” She seemed upset so I didn’t respond.
“If you think you're alone well then your… a idiot.” She turned around and walked towards her dad leaving me with lily.
“Am I an idiot?” She carefully laughs and waits a minute.
“Molly’s Mom has cancer.” She pauses and the words sink in. She didn’t want to tell you because your dad and all.” She whispers. My jaw drops. Molly told Lily and not me? She didn’t even like Lily.
“Why would she tell you? And how long?” I tremble but contain myself not to cry.
“That day at the ice cream place, it was because she needed to tell someone and you kept talking about your dad. That’s why she has been grumpy lately.” I begin to cry. I run to my mom.
“Is it true?” I coughed up my tears.
“About what?”
“Molly’s mom!” She told the person she was talking to that she had to go and she said bye.
“Yes Cassidy.”
“You knew and you didnt tell me?!”
“Listen Cass…”
“No Mom. you didnt tell me my best friends mom is dying! Bad enough she wouldn't tell me herself!”
“Cassidy!” she grabbed my shoulders and stared at me. “You had too much on your plate and this would just make you it worse.” I squirmed off of her and ran. I didn't know where to but I knew anywhere would work. Once I lost my breath I sat down on the grass in the open field. Every piece of grass was so put together. All were green and straight. I ripped grass out and threw it. I screamed.
“WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO GOD!” I knew he wouldn't respond but I didnt care.
“Cassidy?” I whipped my head around to see Molly.
“What!” I yelled. Her face had her mascara all over from crying I almost felt bad. Instead of responding she sat next to me. We both faced the sky. We both didnt speak and it was quiet that I could hear my thoughts. “How did you find me?” I finally whispered.
“I followed you when you took off.”
“Oh.”
“I'm sorry.”
“What for.”
“Everything. I would've told you about my mom but you had enough to mourn over, and i'm so sorry for calling you a idiot.”
“I am an idiot.”
“No.” There was another awkward silence.
“I will pray for your mom.” I say turning my head to face her. She smiles and wipes her mascara.
“Thank you Cassidy. I will, like I always have, pray for your family.” We both cry and stare at the blue sky. “I will always be your best friend and I will always be next to you when you cry.” She wipes her tears and smudges all her makeup.
“Can we stay here forever?” I say. She laughs and lightly shoves me.
“I wish.”
“What's to see?” Someone yells across the meadow.
“Lily!” Molly yells.
“Jeez, you guys are a mess.” she plops down next to me and looks at the sky. “The sky isn't even that amazing.” She laughs. We lay there for along time saying nothing.  “Really nothing? Why is everyone dead…” she freezes. “That is not what I meant at all. I am so sorry.” Her face turns pale and I see her guilt.
“It's fine. I know what you meant.” She doesn't speak and it's silent until Molly says something.
“Should we go back?” She takes the grass off of her hair.
“Looking like that, you should just plan on never leaving.” Molly laughs and smacks her. They both laugh and make dorky jokes and I smile. I smile because my best friends were back to normal. I look back at the grass and grin.
“What are you smiling so much? Let's go!” She grabs me and pulls me up. We race back to the church and I win. I knew life was going to get better.

2 months later

“Only if I were to win though.” Lily says closing the gate behind her.
“Right like if you were to win. You didnt even practice!” Molly responds.
“Cass what do you think?”
“Shhh!” I whisper.
“Wha..” I shove Lily to shut up.
“See that.”
“See what?”
“That!”
“A car?” Molly asks.
“That was the car my dad took when he left.” Molly and Lily exchange looks. “Why would it be here. Why would we want it back? Gosh it's been 2 months why can't they stop taunting me.” I open my front door and wave bye to Molly and Lily as they walk away.
“Mom! Im home!” I scream and slam the door closed. I walk into the kitchen and drop my backpack next to the stool. I hear cries. “Mom! Are you okay? Where are you?”
“Cass?” My body froze. That voice was not my mothers. It was a soothing voice I have heard before. Many times before.
“Who's there?” My voice cracks. I run to the living room to find my mom sitting next to a man. “Dad?” My voice whispers. There was no way i was seeing it correctly. I rubbed my eyes and opened them again.
“Cass!” He yells. My mom looks the happiest she has been for such a long time. I run into him and squeeze him and my eyes pour out with tears. My body all of a sudden feels with relief and I can’t even believe what's happening.
“I thought you were dead.” I say making sure to not let go just in case It wasn't real.
“So did I honestly.” He releases me slowly. “But I managed to get back because of my lovely new friends.” He wipes his tears.
“How?”
“I got shot but i took the bullet to my shoulder and it seemed like i was dead but i had just passed out. My memory had faded for a while and a family found me and took me in and helped me. They really helped me. I owe them my life.”
“How i wish i could thank them” my mom says.
“Where's Sam I can't wait to see her face when she sees me.” Dad says. I look at mom and her face drains out.
“Dad, mom didnt tell you?”
“Tell me what?” I look at her and she nods in approval to tell him.
“Um…” I look to the shelf of pictures and take one of the replaced ones of just me and mom. I carefully hand it to him. “This is our family.” My dad's expression died.
“What.” He whispered.
“Sam is no longer with us…” My mom says lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. I can see his mind shatter.
“I don't understand…”
“Dad, Sam is dead.” I choke on the words but I successfully say it. He sits down and he doesn't speak. A tear rolls down his cheek and he lays back his head. “Dad you still have me.” He doesn't seem happy after that comment.
“My other daughter is dead and you think because you're alive it changes anything!” He screams. Anger shivers up my spine.
“YOU WERE ALIVE AND YOU MADE US THINK YOU WERE DEAD!” I yell. Tears start to pour out of my eyes.  My mom's face fills with fear.
“Cass stop.” She mumbles. I glare at her.
“Don’t call me Cass.” I don't let her respond and look back at my dad. “I CRIED FOR MONTHS THINKING MY FATHER WAS IN HEAVEN ALONG WITH MY SISTER. BUT LOOK, I'M HERE TRYING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!”
“Cass…”
“Its Cassidy!” He freezes.
“Cassidy, I had lost my memory how was I supposed to remember anything?”
“We are your family.” I cry looking out the window. “You're supposed to remember us.”
“I am sorry I said that Cassidy. You and your sister are both very important to me.” I wipe my tear and face him.
“I believed you were dead. I thought I would never see my dad again.” I whisper.
“I'm here now aren't I?” I don't respond.
“Cassidy he is here now. You should be happy!” My mom chimes in.
“I am happy!” I yell.
“Lets leave her alone for a minute.” I hear her whisper to my dad behind me. He says yes and they go into the kitchen. I shove my head in my legs and I don’t cry, but I grin. My dad was back. Why am I sad when my dad is not dead! I tell myself. I run into the kitchen and hug him.
“I’m glad my best friends back.” I whisper in his ear.
“And I’m glad I’m back with mine” he says.
I lean into him and cry softly as he strokes my hair. I drag my feet forward. I get all stiff and my dad releases me.
“Cass are you ok?” My dad yells. My body twitches. My eyes start to burn and I moan.
“CASS!” my mom yells running to me. My eyes close and I start dreaming.

Ending chapter
The best dreams are the ones where you never want to wake up. The ones where your afraid to open your eyes because it will end. The ones you know its a dream. This one was that dream. My sister and my mom were in the living room cheering on for the Giants while I was making lasagna with my dad.
“Cass don't put that in there!” He yelled putting sauce on my face. “You know we got to look nice. They are coming in a hour.” I giggled and threw cheese at his face. He scooped me up and threw me on the couch.
“Dad!” I whined. “Your getting my dress poofy.” He tickled me as I screamed. Sam came up to me and hugged me but squeezed me tight.
“I am never letting go. Ever. Got it?” She whispered. Before I could respond my mom had woke me up.
“Cass! Finally.” She cried. Her tears fell one by one as she grasped my arm. “How are you feeling?” I took a look around the room and saw how I was no longer in my house. But in the hospital.
“What happened?” I groaned. I tried moving but the pain rose throughout my body. “Ah!” I had let out. My mom dragged my shoulders.
“Cassidy!”
“I’m fine mom. Really.” I grabbed her hand and put it to my cheek. “Where’s dad?” I asked. Her face turned pale and she stood up.
“Dad is not here.” She coughed.
“Oh well it's fine i'll see him when I get home.” I removed the hair off my gown and she looked me in the eyes.
“I mean he left.” She let out a tear and grabbed my hands again. “Cass, he went back to work. Once Joan found out he wasn’t dead she offered him a chance to go to Iran.” I turned to the wall and carefully stood up.
“What.” I managed to say. I didn’t say what as a question but I knew nothing else to say. She sat down beside me and we both stared at the wall not saying anything until I spoke.
“What exactly happened to me?”
“You were really sad and stressed that when you saw your father your heart freaked i guess. Your dad thought that him being there would make you worse so he left.” She scratched her eye and turned to me revealing the black around it.
“Mom! What happened to your eye?” I yelled.
“Nothing.” She covered it with her hand.
“Mom tell me.” I moved her hand away and she tried smiling.
“Your father..”
“My father what!”
“I told him he couldn’t leave us again but he refused to stay so I grabbed him before he walked out that door..” She paused and her tears fell out faster. “...then he turned around and hit me. Hit me and ran out.” She carefully laid back and I laid beside her. “Cass where is God?” I was confused by her question and I faced her.
“God?”
“Yes. Why would he do this to us?” She asked as if I knew.
“He doesn’t like us I guess.” She sniffed and looked back at the wall.
“God loves us. Even if you cant see it he does. I dont know where he is right now and why he would do this to us but there has to be a reason.” I smile at her and remember that when I was sick she was always there while my dad did other things. When I fell and got a cut she always helped me. When I didn’t understand my homework she would clarify. She was always there for me. I didn’t ever see it until now. I didn’t see how my mom, Molly, Will, my teachers, everyone in our neighborhood, even our town was there for me. Maybe it took me losing sam and dad to realize that. Who knows.