Celestial | Teen Ink

Celestial

December 28, 2010
By lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.


Summary:

Celestials and their ancient legacy have disappeared with time's passing.
Summer is one of the last remaining Celestials in the entire land of King Lance and King Slade. Once she's discovered and brought before King Slade, her Element - Fire - is taken advantage of. While Summer's being juggled between two Kingdoms, no one notices as a third Kingdom arises.
And who is the King? Not a man. It's Summer's long lost mother.
Stuck in between the Kingdoms, it's up to Summer to decide the fate of all the Kingdoms - once and for all.


lovelycheese

Celestial


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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 244 comments.


on Feb. 21 2011 at 9:46 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Sure, no problem! I'll review it right away. Thanks(:

Angelnight16 said...
on Feb. 21 2011 at 7:35 pm
UR WELCOME!!!

Angelnight16 said...
on Feb. 21 2011 at 7:33 pm
Good luck.... I WOULD LOVR IT IF YOU WOULD REVIEW MY STORY CALLED ILLUSIONS... HAPPY WRITING

on Feb. 21 2011 at 6:28 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

I gave the manuscript to my brother for proofreading, and he also said that I had too many descriptions, especially in the Prologue. That's definitely something I'm glad you mentioned, and I will go back to fix those errors. Thanks for reading! 

on Feb. 21 2011 at 6:26 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read Celestial! It means a lot. (:

on Feb. 21 2011 at 3:50 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
I really like this story. The actual writing, though, could most definitely use some polishing. I think it should be a tad simpler. Fewer adjectives, maybe.

on Feb. 21 2011 at 1:50 pm
Angelnight16 BRONZE, Heuvelton, New York
1 article 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i used to be normal... until i met those people who i now call my friends."

I really Love your descriptions. They paint a clear picture in your mind as you read them!!!

on Feb. 20 2011 at 9:58 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

I just reviewed it and I have to say, one of the best novels I've read yet on the site. Keep writing!

on Feb. 20 2011 at 8:16 am
drmstarlet21 GOLD, Matthews, North Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 76 comments
Sure! It's in the Novel section (Fiction) and only the first chapter is up so far. Thanks!

on Feb. 20 2011 at 1:30 am
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Yeah, this is my first novel and I'm still working on it. I began seriously writing about several months back. Thanks for the feedback! What specific part of the dialogue do I need to work on?

And thanks for making it top voted for yesterday everyone! You guys have no idea how excited I got.


on Feb. 20 2011 at 1:26 am
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Sure, no problem. Would you mind telling me the location, though? Thanks(:

Untamed said...
on Feb. 19 2011 at 9:02 pm
Untamed, Rincon, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Always be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else."
"The sky is the limit, you can do anything." - my mom

I found it interesting in the description and exposition you give on it, and the dialogue is ok but could use some work. It's a nice beginning and you should keep writing. I'm curious though, this is your first novel right?

on Feb. 19 2011 at 8:06 am
drmstarlet21 GOLD, Matthews, North Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 76 comments
You're welcome! I know the feeling of it being too clear in your head. I just recently got a TeenInk account...if you have time, would you mind reading mine (A Star is Born)?

on Feb. 18 2011 at 9:05 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Thanks for the comment - it means a lot! I hadn't noticed my lacking description of the village (I guess it's all too clear in my head) and I'm glad you mentioned it. Thanks(:

on Feb. 18 2011 at 1:19 pm
drmstarlet21 GOLD, Matthews, North Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 76 comments
Your descriptions are...for lack of a better word...twitterpating. They paint a clear picture in my mind, and I can feel like I am really there. The only part a bit lacking is the image of the village. I like how it is left up to the imagination, but maybe you could describe the secret village a bit more, so readers may understand better of the forest and its inhabitants. Even left alone, the story is amazing. Your writing style and figurative language work with the Elemental aspect of the story, and it all flows very well. I can't wait to see what happens to Summer next.

on Feb. 13 2011 at 7:17 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Heyy Eileen! Yup, your name gave it away. Dude, create a Teen Ink account already. It's awesome. And can you tell me the link for your story? My email's not working and I can't find it. Thanks for the feedback;]

on Feb. 13 2011 at 7:14 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Thanks so much!(: 

on Feb. 13 2011 at 5:54 pm
I think that this plot line so far is awesome. You're writing is fantastic, and unlike so many other stories I've read, there are few errors, and words are not repetitve (not a lot of "said"). I like how it's going so far, and I hope you post up the next chapter soon.

leafy said...
on Feb. 11 2011 at 9:59 pm
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

ooh good story, can't wait to see what happens next!

on Feb. 10 2011 at 8:01 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Thank you so much, Ebony! It really means a lot to me(: If you could review some of my other work too, that'd be great. Thanks again!(: