The Eye | Teen Ink

The Eye

April 1, 2019
By bdsmitty22, Apex, North Carolina
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bdsmitty22, Apex, North Carolina
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Author's note:

I am a student in high school and I wrote this short story for my creative writing class. I was inspired to write the story from the movie My Bloody Valentine, but I wanted to put my own originality into it.

There is a story that all residents of Painesville, Ohio know about. The little town made headlines back in 2009 when an insane mental patient was able to escape because of an error locking up the asylum by a staff member. That insane mental patient killed 10 people that night, including women and children, and was never seen again. Police tried talking to some of the other patients at the asylum, but all of them just kept mumbling about an eye, earning the murderer his infamous persona. An international manhunt went on for months after, but with no known name or bank records. The Eye was untrackable. The Eye’s last confirmed crime before he vanished was in an alley where he beat a young girl to death with a crowbar. He then sliced her open, and using her blood wrote on the wall: One day I’ll come back. To this day residents of Painesville still live in fear that The Eye will return.


Hannah shot out of bed when she heard the loud sound that came from her computer room down the hallway. She had been in a deep sleep and almost fell over when she had gotten up. Carefully she tiptoed into the hallway and closer to where she predicted the sound had come from. She finally reached the door to her computer room and hesitated before very slowly turning the door knob. The room was dark all around except for a little red light that shined from her desktop computer. She flipped the light switch to the left of the door, but none of the lights turned on.


The sound came from the closet.

“Skittles… is that you?” Hannah whispered, her voice trembling.

She walked closer to the closet door and noticed a little glimmer in the crack of the closet door.

“Skittles, I can see you! Come out right now.”

The closet door shot open, slamming against the wall. In the doorway stood a tall, skinny man with long hair and a milky white eyeball. He smiled at Hannah and showed her a large butcher knife. Hannah stood staring at the man horrified. She tried to move but could not as her feet were frozen in fear. The man cackled a horrible laugh and lunged at her, knocking her down to the floor. He got on top of her and screaming plunged the knife into her chest.

Hannah woke up screaming in a pool of sweat.

“What, what’s wrong!” said a man laying next to her.

“I just had the scariest dream! I dreamed that a man… or something killed me! He… he had such a terrible face and a white eye! Oh David, it was so scary!” Hannah said as she hugged David. His face had gone pale and a look of fear washed over him.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I got you now.” David said as he stroked her hair.

Hannah was bagging groceries at Painesville Grocery Store. It was a little shop at the corner of two streets in the heart of the town.

“Thank you, have a nice day.” She said to the customer as she handed him his groceries.

“Hey there stranger.” A man in his mid-30’s said as he walked up to the register.

“Tom! I haven’t seen you in what… 10 years?” Hannah said shocked.

“That sounds about right.”

“Where did you go? You never even said goodbye.”

“Went off to Colorado, have an uncle with some nice property over there.” Tom said as he removed his hat and pushed back his hair.

“I… I need to get back to work. It was nice seeing you Tom.” Hannah said as she walked to the back of the store.

“How was work today honey?” David asked when Hannah walked in the front door.

“Good, pretty normal day today. Not much really happens at the old country store.” Hannah said with a smile.

“I was across the street getting some lunch and I was gonna stop by and say hello but I saw you talking to Tom. When did he get back in town?” David looked at Hannah inquisitively.

Hannah was at a loss of words when suddenly Skittles jumped up onto the counter. Hannah stroked his back which in response brought a wave of purring.

“I’m not sure. He really came out of nowhere and said something about his uncle’s property in Colorado. It was really random.” Hannah said, still petting the cat.

“Just try and stay away from him… and it has nothing to do with the past and you two being together I promise. It’s just not normal for somebody to just disappear without saying goodbye or anything.” David said as he turned back to the TV.

On the TV Friday the 13th was on and a scene where a girl was being brutally murdered was playing.

“Hey look” David pointed at the TV. “She kinda looks like you, same blonde hair and everything.”

“Not funny at all David.” Hannah said as she walked up the stairs to get ready for bed.

The next morning Hannah awoke to a loud news broadcast being televised live. David was sitting up in bed, a look of disbelief on his face.

“What… what’s wrong?” Hannah asked as she turned to David.

“They’re saying he’s back.” David said as he pointed to the screen.

On the screen a large title read: The Return of The Eye. The image on screen showed a wall in a local hospital with the words: told you I’d be back. The words were written in blood just as they had been 10 years ago Hannah remembered. On the bottom of the screen another smaller title read: 5 confirmed murders.

“It’s happening again.” She said as she too stared in disbelief.

She snapped out of it and went to go get ready for work.

It was almost closing time and nearly all the customers had exited the store. It was dark outside and it was sprinkling. Hannah started to lock all the doors and make sure the shelves were not a complete mess as she always did at the end of the day.

“Ugh somebody messed up the chip aisle again.” A younger girl said.

“Just go sort it out and that’s all you have to do tonight Sarah, we can just mop tomorrow morning. I’d like to get out of here as soon as possible anyway with everything that’s going on.” Hannah said as she locked the back door.

The loud crash of a glass bottle shattering against the floor filled the store.

“What was that! Are you okay Sarah?” Hannah yelled.

She got no response and she ran over to make sure she was okay. One by one she passed the aisles, seeing nobody in them. Then in the beverage aisle she saw what had made the loud noise. A bottle of soda had fallen off of the shelves and shattered everywhere, covering the floor in the red liquid.

Damn it!” Hannah yelled as she kept walking to find Sarah.

When she came to the frozen foods aisle she noticed that one of the glass refrigerator doors was open slightly and something was leaking from the fridge onto the floor.

“Well I guess we aren’t going home early because we have a couple messes to clean.” Hannah said with a sigh as she walked over to the fridge.

When she peered into the glass door her jaw dropped and she was overcome with terror. Sarah was wedged in the shelves, her eyes wide and her throat slit. Hannah looked down and saw what was leaking on the floor. She lifted up her foot and blood stuck to the bottom of her shoe. Then in the aisle next to her she heard the giggling of a man. She started to run and the giggling turned into a loud hysterical cackle.

“You can run but I see EVERYTHING!” A voice behind her growled.

She ran to the front door and reached in her pocket to get her keys only to find they were not there. She remembered she had left them in the back door while locking it and she sprinted to the back of the store. She could hear the loud sound of running a couple steps behind her. She made it to the back door and quickly turned the key, unlatching the door. She bolted out into the dark alley only to be stopped by a chain link fence.

“HELP ME!” She screamed as she shook the fence.

“Hannah! Hannah where are you?” A voice called out from in front of the store.

“Over here! Please help, he’s in the store!”

Tom ran out from around the corner and busted the lock on the door of the chain link fence. Hannah ran to him and hugged him.

“Who’s in the store?” Tom asked as he looked in the back door.

“It’s him… The Eye!” She said in a quivering voice.

“Hannah, baby what happened!” David said as he ran over to where they were hugging. “You get your hands off of her!”

“He’s in the store!” Hannah said as she ran over to David.

David pulled out a gun and entered the back door. Hannah stayed close behind him and behind her followed Tom. After searching the whole store and finding Sarah’s body, they determined Tom had scared him off.

“Tom… what were you doing here anyway?” Hannah asked.

A long, uncomfortable silence followed the question and both David and Hannah stepped away from Tom.

“No. It’s not what it looks like. I came by to check if you were okay Hannah! I didn’t do this!” Tom said as he raised his hands into the air. “I… I came by to warn you.”

“Hannah you get in the car right now, we are leaving.” David said as he opened the car door.

They drove off and Hannah watched from the rear view mirror as Tom stood in the dark in the middle of the road.

David had been driving for 20 minutes now and Hannah finally asked where they were going.

“The hunting cabin. It’s not safe at our house, Tom knows where we live.”

Hannah’s phone lit up and dinged.

“Who’s that?” David asked.

Hannah looked at her phone and saw she had received a text from Tom that said: HE ISN’T WHO YOU THINK HE IS.

“Just my mom. She’s probably just checking up on me after what happened.” Hannah said.


“Your mom again?” David said looking over at Hannah.

“Yeah… listen can you pull over? I’m not feeling too well”

“We’re almost there.”

“David, please pull over now” Hannah said as a wave of fear washed over her.

“Hannah NO! You can wait!” David yelled.

Hannah grabbed the steering wheel and jerked it to the right, throwing the car off the road. They fought for the wheel and Hannah pulled hard enough, driving the car straight into a tree with a thunderous crash.

Hannah woke up with the taste of blood in her mouth. Glass was everywhere and David was slumped over the steering wheel. He had hit his head on the wheel and had blood running from the top of his head to his chin. Hannah opened the car door and rolled out of the car. She screamed in pain when she tried to stand realizing she had broken her leg. She limped down the road towards the hunting cabin and called Tom with her shattered phone.

“Hello? What happened, where are you!” Tom asked frantically.

“We… we crashed the car. I’m going to the old hunting cabin. I need you to come get me.” Hannah said fading in and out of consciousness.

“Okay just hol-”

Hannah’s phone died and she threw it on the ground. She continued to limp up the road and towards the cabin.

When she got to the old wooden cabin she could barely stand. She had been losing a lot of blood from a cut on her leg and she wasn’t going to last much longer. She opened the door to the cabin and sat in the chair, peering out the window. After about 15 minutes a car drove up to the cabin. Tom opened the car door and ran to the cabin finding Hannah unconscious and bloody. He picked her up and took her to his car, laying her down in the back seat.

“Hannah, you’re gonna be okay. Don’t give up on me.” He said as he ripped off a sleeve of his shirt and tied it around the bleeding wound on her leg.

“Don’t you move,” a voice behind Tom said as he felt the barrel of a gun on the back of his head.

Tom spun around slowly and saw David, bloody and hunched over holding his rib. For a moment they just stared at each other and then Tom lunged at David, knocking the gun out of his hand. They rolled around on the dirt and eventually Tom had gotten on top of David and had his hands around his neck, choking him. Hannah regained consciousness and saw the gun lying on the ground and Tom strangling David.

“STOP!” Hannah said, pointing the gun at Tom. “Get off him!”

Tom let go of David’s neck and they both got up.

“Hannah shoot him! He tried to kill me!” David yelled.

“It’s not me Hannah!” Tom said as he raised his hands.

David pleaded with Hannah to shoot Tom. Then he was quiet and had a look of horror on his face. Behind Hannah, he saw The Eye creeping up on them with a large knife.

“Hannah he’s behind you! TURN AROUND!” David screamed in terror.

“Don’t listen to him Hannah, there is nothing behind you. It’s a trick.” Tom said shaking his head.

Hannah turned her head to look and saw nothing but the dark woods surrounding them.

David saw him walk even closer now, until he was right in front of him. David watched in horror as The Eye walked into his own body and vanished.

“David… There’s nobody here except us.” Hannah said.

Hannah aimed the gun only at David now. In a sudden rush David remembered how he had killed those people in the hospital, and Sarah in the store. He had become the monster he let escape the asylum 10 years ago.

“It… it was me.” David said in disbelief. “I killed those people.” He started to giggle and then the giggle turned into a hysterical cackle.

Both Tom and Sarah looked at each other confused and then suddenly, with a loud growl, David turned and ran into the woods. Hannah fired all 6 shots that were in the revolver but hit none of them.

“Quick get in!” Tom yelled as he got in the driver side.

Hannah jumped in the car and they sped off back down the road towards Painesville to go warn the police of what had happened.

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This book has 1 comment.

on May. 10 2019 at 8:52 pm
ajois444 BRONZE, Chatham, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
~Douglas Adams

@bdsmitty22 I loved this story! It was so good! The suspense building up the whole time...I was getting so nervous! I thought that Tom was going to be 'The Eye', and that plot twist at the end was really unexpected!
I've actually written a story of my own, and I'd love it if you could read it! It's called 'Restoring a Family' (by me, @unicornaj ) and it follows a family that's struggling in the aftermath of a divorce.