Dear Augustus waters,

I understand the fact that the world isn't a wish granting factory, but still each time I think of you, all I want to have  is the privilege of getting my heart broken by you. And mind you, this isn't an eulogy. You're never dead to me.

You were the most attractive person in the world and you appreciated it. You were the only one who knew how to told a cigarette more than any non smoker in history. You were the one who wanted to get noticed and remembered. You were never afraid to express yourself, whether it was showing your crooked smile or your love for Hazel or editing and interrupting in your own eulogy. You always poured your heart out and everytime you did, you made a greater place for yourself in my heart.

When you died I cried just like you did, clenching my teeth, looking up at the ceiling, holding my tears in my gut and then swallowing it all. This f***ing pain, why does it demand to be felt Gus!?!? You're one legacy that'll always be remembered, cherished and adorned. 

Some infinities are greater than other infinities and I would never be able to thank you enough for letting me have my little infinity. This Okay? Okay. Has been so close to me that whenever someone says "Okay" I can never reply without a smile. 

I'm in love with you Gus! I cried because you died. Because you deserved a lot more. And I like my choices. I really do.

You'll always be sharing this little infinity with this. You will both be loved deeply and widely. The only person I am talking to about your death is you, Augustus waters. 

I completely understand that the oblivion is inevitable but no matter what you'll always be the one whom I love both deeply and irrevocably.

I know about the heart of Jesus, but Augustus Waters you'll always have a place in my heart. Okay?

Okay.