Sometimes in my life I don’t feel good enough. 

I’m  not the child who’s worth all the attention

Not the child who needs it

But I’ve always desperately wanted it

When I was in the 7th grade, my mom stopped coming to my school conferences

She told me that she was sick of hearing the same thing

“Carley-Janae’s great.”

“She gets all her work done and is great working with others”

I didn’t mind

It was whatever really

I know she’s proud of me

In the 9th grade everything started going downhill. 

I had a major surgery on my pancreas

I lost my grandmother to cancer

And I lost my older sister to heart problems

No one checked on me much

I never showed too much sadness because I didn’t want the attention

When I look back at it I think that I did 

Want the attention

I never gave anyone a reason to question my mental state

I kept my grades at A’s

I kept a smile on my face 

And I only cried when I knew no one was watching

By the tenth grade everything just started feeling off

 It started off great

I got a job that I love

I even reconnected with my old best friend

But still something was wrong 

I started to feel a huge wave of sadness.

Actually it was more like a tsunami 

I stopped feeling any motivation to do things

When in class I just sat there

I listened to everything 

Well sometimes

But I never did the work

Sometime the smallest thing ticks me off

My mom picks more fights with me

And I just felt so sad about it all

I don’t understand where it’s coming from

Anyone who payed attention could tell that something was wrong

But no one did

Because no one cared

No one asked 

Because no one cared

In the height of it all my middle brother was in and out of juvie

On and off of house arrest

My second youngest was having more phone calls home from school because of his behavior

And my youngest brother is a baby

So he requires the utmost attention

Where does that leave me?

The Glass Child is what it’s called
The child who’s invisible because their sibling or siblings require more attention

I am the glass child