Go

Don’t come back till you’ve shot that fox

My father shouts at me

He thrusts a shotgun into my hand

And tells me to hurry and leave

I don’t want to kill anything

I tell him

It never hurt me

He tells me if I don’t come back with a body

I shouldn’t come back at all

I grab

My green floppy hat

My camo jacket

My brown hiking boots

My father’s gun

Sitting by the door

It fills me with dread

I take an apple

And head out the door

I hesitate in the doorway

My father shoves me the rest of the way out

The door is shut

And locked

Behind me

I have never been alone in the woods before

I wonder if I will make my way out

If I do

I will not be the same as when I went in

Inside the woods

Everything is different

It is survival of the fittest here

And I have just entered the ring

The birdsong is louder than a whistle

Butterflies skitter at the beat of my footsteps

In the distance, something howls

The thing I hear most though

Quiet

My home is never just

Quiet

Daddy is screaming

Momma is screaming

The baby is crying

My brother is shouting

In the woods

No one shouts

Or screams

Or cries

Nature runs its course here

And that’s the way it is

A rabbit

White as snow

Runs across in front of me

I stop to watch it go

I stare at it

It stares back

Its as if it knows

I’m not here for it

Slowly slowly slowly

I reach for my gun

Line up the shot

Aim and

Nothing

I can’t kill an innocent thing

It’s not right

I stomp my foot

To scare it away

It runs into a hole

And doesn’t come out

It’s for the best

I reason

Maybe

It has a rabbit family down there

Maybe

They are depending on it for food

I keep walking

Dreading

Finding the fox

I must bring home

Dead

After a while

I spot them

Two fox cubs in a clearing

They wrestle to the ground

The start to play tag

They leave

I scramble to follow them

Oh no

They’re headed towards a giant hole

BAM

The first fox falls in

The second

Skids to a stop

Right at the edge

They yip

At each other

Trying to get out

The second fox

Plants his feet

Sticks his head in the hole

A minute later

He pulls it back out

With the other fox attached 

I breathe a sigh of relief

The foxes continue on

And I with them

They keep running

And chasing

Until one turns around

And crashes

Straight into a briar patch

The fox starts yipping

And can’t seem to get out

I decide

To come out and help

I jump out

The other fox screeches

And runs away

I reach out for the other fox

I realize what I must do

I unsling my gun

Line up the shot

The fox

Yips and yips

And struggles harder

Realizing what I am here to do

I quiet my brain

That tells me

I can’t do this

I shouldn’t kill an innocent

I tell myself to shut up

I line up the shot

Aim and

BANG 

BANG

BANG

3 shots ring out

The forest is 

Silent

No more birds singing

No more butterflies

No more animals

The forest is silent

I thought I liked silence

Not anymore

Not anymore

I look down

At the fox

Still stuck in the briar patch

I see blood-

Sticky crimson 

Staining everything it touches-

Blood

It’s everywhere

On the briars

On the fox

On my hands

I pull the fox out

I look at his

Cold lifeless eyes

Eyes that

A minute ago

Twinkled

While he played with his brother

I close them

I shove the body in my bag

Sling it over my shoulder

Try to find my way back

I look back down

My hands

My clothes

Are stained with blood

Sticky

Staining everything it touches

I drop to the ground

Wipe my hands

On the grass

The grass is red now too

I tell myself

To get up

Stop crying

You’re not a baby

Go home 

Father will be proud

Father will be proud

Father will be proud

Right?

I wipe my tears

Now there is blood

On my face

I march

Straight home

I pretend not to see

How the rabbits hide

From me now

How the birds

Fly away

At the sound of my boots

There are no more butterflies

My father

Is standing in the doorway

I show him the bag

He sees the bloody trail 

I have left behind me

He smiles

Pats me on the shoulder

You did good son

I’m proud of you

He turns and goes inside

I’m proud of you

I’m proud of you

He’s never said that before

I decide

Right then and there

I will do

Whatever

It takes 

to make him say that again