The Fear | Teen Ink

The Fear

October 31, 2011
By Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem


Cold fingers wrap
And continue to tap
On the inside of your soul.
Cold bands tighten
And continue to frighten
They won’t release you from their hold.
Shrill voices scream
And break into dreams
They say that you’ve been told;
Still it doesn’t seem
As life continues to team
That fear itself can be so cold.


The author's comments:
Short and sweet, this is basically an extended metaphor about fear.

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This article has 33 comments.


on Nov. 16 2011 at 12:10 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

I never was good at meters; they always confused me.  I could go back in my Creative Writing material and take better note, so I can look back for help on those things when I need it.

on Nov. 16 2011 at 1:44 am
AnimaCordis GOLD, London, Other
13 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Evil is when the good do nothing"

I really like this, it is as you say 'Short and sweet' you really are very good at rhyming.  As a point of improvemet I'd slightly change your opening, it's a little comfusing. On the other hand it's quite mysterious.

For the future you might try 'iambic pentameter' or 'black verse' ie the beats that Shakespare uses within his work, this might give your work an interesting rhythem. 


Tiggerlily14 said...
on Nov. 15 2011 at 5:03 pm
yeah, I guess commenting on all your stuff sorta gave it away  :P   you know how much I talk, oh well.

on Nov. 15 2011 at 4:30 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

Yep, guess I missed that.  You didn't think there was anything wierd with my name, your name has Tiger in it, and even though you don't have an account, you commented on all of my poem.  It was piecemeal, really.

Tiggerlily14 said...
on Nov. 15 2011 at 12:59 pm
shoot, I fail.  I use "Tiger" and "Tiggerlily" a lot because it was my cats name  :-/    and how does the no account help...a lot of people don't...hehehe   (did you miss the fact that I told you yesterday that it was me?)

on Nov. 15 2011 at 12:57 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

Yeah, that's kind of what I was aiming for.  Good to know I achieved my goal, thank you.

on Nov. 15 2011 at 12:56 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

I guessed that it was you when I saw "Tiger" in your name, and the fact that you don't have an account.

on Nov. 15 2011 at 10:21 am
RyanTyler PLATINUM, Windsor, Connecticut
21 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A myth is a religion in which no one no longer believes." James Feibleman

I like it.  It's direct but makes you think.

 


Tiggerlily14 said...
on Nov. 14 2011 at 1:59 pm
uhm....i didn't understand most of that....and do u even know who ur talking to?.....I talk to you enough, lol

on Nov. 14 2011 at 1:46 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

Nothing, it was a lame, pseudo-selfcentered thing.  People who spen a lot of time with me would get it, but not many other people.

Tiggerlily14 said...
on Nov. 14 2011 at 12:18 pm
u don't get it......nvm

on Nov. 14 2011 at 10:38 am
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

Thanks.  Wait, just like?  Not Love?  I'm offended!!!  Just kidding, thank you. :D

Tiggerlily14 said...
on Nov. 13 2011 at 8:40 pm
I Like your poem  :)