I never ever want kids
Please oh please god forbid
Well that’s what I say
To my family everyday.

Sleepless nights and dirty diapers
Heck, I’d rather take on rejected writers
And there’s the Terrible Twos
Violence and screaming and many flus
Fights over veggies
And elementary wedgies
On comes the awkward years
Of pimples and sex talks and meeting new peers
That emo or hippie or preppy phase
With AP level stress hidden among the essays
Well yes, kids are work
They’ll act like you’re the jerk
But those reasons, you see
They’re not why I flee
I’m just terrified they’ll turn out like me
With a note, a noose, and dead by age twenty-three