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Real and Imagined Progress
I stand there laughing with my friends and their laughter wraps around me like a warm blanket.
My laughter stops as I take notice of the monster in the corner.
Its black form looms over me and its eyes are cutting into mine.
Please, I was doing so good, don’t come any closer.
I plead with it but the monster doesn’t want to listen.
It gives me a sharp crooked smile and suddenly wraps his entire body around me.
I am one with this monster.
Did you really think I wouldn’t come back? You know you are nothing without me.
The monster whispers into my ear and his voice sounds like knives rubbing against each other.
I can feel the monster pushing horrific thoughts into my head and I feel as if I am going crazy.
I was just laughing with my friends moments ago and now I feel as if I can barely breathe.
The monster is so incredibly heavy.
The monster forces me to speak.
Hey, I’m going to go home, I don’t feel so good. I have some homework to do anyway.
I watch as all my friends frown at me, it’s a lie. The monster doesn’t let me do homework, it only allows me to lay in bed.
The monster wraps its arms tightly around me as I finally enter my room.
Now that I am alone, the monster’s hold only becomes stronger and more suffocating.
Remember that you are worthless, and don’t deserve any love. Why are you even trying? You know that I will always get you.
The monster whispers this to me and I squeeze my eyes shut.
I have escaped its clutches before and I’ll do it again.
There will be days where you will not control me and that is what I fight for.
My voice sounds weak and the monster tries to convince me that this is a lie.
I start to settle in because it is so much easier than fighting.
Yet I remind myself that the monster will go.
It won’t every true leave but I will fight it off enough to breathe again.
And it will lurk and watch over me waiting for its next chance to pounce.
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