High up on the cloudy peak of Mount Olympus sat two minor goddesses by the names of Nox and Gwir. They lounged on ridiculously sumptuous velvet furniture, eating apple pies and cupcakes decorated in neon colors.

Nox was short and thin, with long raven hair that cascaded down her back in softly undulating ripples, and a pale face that seemed to radiate moonlight. Her brown, almond-shaped eyes were cunning and calculating. Gwir was tall, lanky but muscular, with stormy gray eyes that spoke of great intelligence and could have held the secrets of time itself in their depths. Her hair, curly and soft, was beautiful and wild, with a hundred different hues and shades of gold dancing through its locks.

Both goddesses, who appeared to be teenagers, were immeasurably beautiful, so much so that it was easy to believe they were more than mortal. Gwir held a book in her hands, and she was focused so intensely upon it that she did not even notice filling from her apple pie dribbling down her chin. She turned the last page of the book with finality and slammed it closed.

“Well,” she said to Nox, “I can’t believe this JK Rowling is making billions off the Harry Potter books!”

“Yes,” Nox replied. “You and I both know she is a wizarding Seer. And now, in the wizarding world, the real Harry Potter she foresaw and penned is entering his fifth year at Hogwarts! Ah, how I wish someone could undermine that Seer’s authority and interfere with Harry Potter’s destiny...”

Gwir looked as if she had been struck by lightning. “Humans can’t interfere with the threads of time. Humans can’t counteract anything that happens in a Seer’s visions. For humans, it would be impossible...” The corners of Gwir’s mouth twitched into an evil smile, the way they always did when she was plotting the pain and demise of mortals.

“Say no more,” Nox whispered excitedly. “September first is just a few days away. Tomorrow, we go to Diagon Alley and buy wands...and all the other necessary decoy supplies. Then, when term starts-”

“We get on the Hogwarts express and go! I can’t wait to cause havoc in the success of JK Rowling’s novels! That is what we deities are for, right? Wouldn’t want the mortal world to get too boring, now would we?”

Nox returned Gwir’s demonic grin. “No, never. Of course we wouldn’t.”

~*~

It was September first, and Gwir and Nox had just bought everything on the food trolley of the Hogwarts express. Gwir twirled her new oak and dragon heartstring wand through her fingers, popping chocolate frog after chocolate frog in her mouth and examining the wizard card from each one with mild curiosity.

“You know, we better not spend too many more of these fake galleons we made. We’ll cause a major inflation in the Wizarding economy.” Nox pointed out with a serious face.

Gwir burst into fits of laughter, and after a few seconds Nox couldn’t restrain herself either. “Hey, we’re supposed to be causing havoc, right?” Gwir gasped between chuckles.

“Yes, but inflation is so boring. What we really need to do is find someone worth killing or kidnapping or torturing.”

“Well, I know exactly who I’m going to kidnap,” Gwir mused. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Nox rolled her eyes. “You’ve fallen in love with Harry Potter. You’ve always been the one prone to trivial affection of mortals. I don’t understand it myself. What do you see in them?”

“A handsome face to love, and a brave man to torture to death, that’s what I see in them! I am the Goddess of Pain, after all!” Gwir exclaimed, looking aghast at Nox’s lack of understanding.

"Ridiculous..." Nox muttered.

"Fine, but I'm going to kidnap Harry Potter whether you're helping or not!" Gwir said haughtily as the train slowed to a stop.

"You know very well I'll help. I always go along with your harebrained schemes, and I have to admit, they do usually turn out to be enjoyable."

Gwir looked satisfied. She then gestured to the mound of uneaten sweets on the train seats. "I'll take care of these, I've been dying to use my wand anyway. Locomotor candy." As she said the words, she channeled a bit of her power through the wand, causing the candy to levitate out the window and shoot off toward the castle.

"You don't need a wand or an incantation to do that." Nox said, laughing.

"Well, it makes me feel special." Gwir huffed as she opened the compartment door and stepped out into the crowd of students, an amused Nox at her heels.



~*~


At the Great Hall during dinner, the goddesses took seats at the Ravenclaw table and tried to ignore the fact that they attracted more boys' stares than a couple of veela. When a woman named Umbridge who wore a fluffy pink cardigan over her robes stood up and gave a little cough, Gwir and Nox looked at each other, silently agreeing on the conclusion they had both come to: any person who would interrupt Albus Dumbledore, one of the most intelligent and likable mortals the world had ever seen, deserved to die. Their expressions only grew happier as Umbridge gave a very boring speech that they were sure hardly any of the students understood, but they took to mean that Umbridge would play a very important role in life at Hogwarts this year, particularly the life of one Harry Potter. Kill her, and they were sure to throw a monkey wrench into JK Rowling’s whole book series.



"Forget kidnapping Harry Potter," Nox whispered under her breath. "This is someone we can both enjoy killing!"

Gwir reluctantly agreed, but truly, she loved the idea of showing this Ministry hag her proper place.


Not to mention the fact that it would be exceedingly amusing to see this ridiculous woman begging for her life at their feet.

~*~

On the first day of their “lessons” at Hogwarts, Nox and Gwir did not attend classes and risk discovery by the ever-vigilant professors, some of whom were already on edge due to Voldemort’s return and the Ministry’s continued denial. Instead, Nox, using her powers as the Goddess of Shadows, turned herself and Gwir into no more than insubstantial wisps of dusk floating through the corridors. It was halfway through the first period of the day, and the halls were empty and silent save for the two’s voices.

“So we’d better do it soon, before someone discovers there are intruders at Hogwarts,” Nox said with finality, concluding a monologue she had started immediately after the goddesses left the dormitories.

Gwir sighed. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. I will savor the task immensely. The only thing remaining is to decide which of us will do it.” she grinned, knowing that this subject would be the hardest one of all for them to agree upon.

“We both know that we both want to do it,” Nox concurred with the implied meaning of Gwir’s words.

“Well, I think I have a larger claim, because I did have the idea to come here...” Gwir muttered. She knew this argument was flimsy, but it was the only advantage she held over Nox.

“Please. That doesn’t mean a thing. You’ve acted on my ideas just as often as I’ve acted on yours.” Nox retorted, as Gwir knew she would.

“Come on, you got to kill Justin Bieber! Please!” Gwir whined with a horrible attempt at a hurt-puppy expression.

“Hmm. How about this: you get to have her all to yourself for torture as long as I get to deal the deathblow. Sound fair?”

“As fair as I’ll get from you...” Gwir aquiesced resentfully, closing the conversation.

The pair of shadows floated out onto the castle grounds, looking this way and that to see if they were alone. All was quiet and deserted save for one figure walking on the banks of the lake, scanning the clear water as if looking for something. Gwir could not believe her luck.

“It’s him!” she whipered excitedly, and Nox groaned as Gwir resumed her fourteen-year-old girl form and strode towards the silhouette of Harry Potter. Nox had no choice but to follow her friend, though, so follow she did.

Gwir walked straight up to Harry without a sideways glance and said, “Harry Potter. I’m Gwir. I would tell you my last name, but I don’t have one. And you probably won’t believe me when I say this, but I’ve been waiting to see you for centuries!” She threw back her head and laughed at the joke only she could understand, while Harry stared at her with his mouth open, nonplussed.

“Don’t leave your jaw hanging down like that, it’s ill-becoming,” Nox said, coming up beside Gwir and Harry. Harry looked at Nox with outrage, but clamped his mouth shut all the same.

Gwir cleared her throat conspicuously. Harry looked over at her, and she opened her mouth to speak.

“I’m not giving you an autograph,” Harry grumbled, heading Gwir off. “Or an account of Cedric Diggory’s death, or anything else you wa-”

“How rude!” Gwir shouted. "I am above such trivial material objects as autographs! Who do you think I am?!?!”

“He doesn’t know who you are, idiot,” Nox whispered in Gwir’s ear.

“Oh, right. Well, just know, Harry Potter, that I am not as I appear.” Gwir intoned mysteriously.

Harry looked skeptical, but before he could say another word, a high-pitched, girlish voice echoed down the lawn, causing Nox and Gwir to grin with delight.

“Hem, hem,” coughed Umbridge with an air of great authority. “I believe now is a time for students to be in their classes, not out roaming the grounds. May I ask what you three are doing here?” she gave them a sweet simper, only increasing Nox and Gwir’s excitement and rage.

“Shut up, ogre. You aren’t worthy to even stand in the presence of any one of us!” Gwir shouted.

Umbridge flushed red, and when she spoke while drawing her wand, her voice was oddly low and cold. “How dare you speak to people much older and much wiser than you in th-!”

“Expelliarmus,” Gwir spoke lazily. She snatched the airborne wand as it sailed over her head and crushed it in her hands, where it crumbled to dust as if it had been no more substantial than a pretzel. Umbridge gasped, speechless, her face going from red to purple and her eyes betraying the fear she was loathe to show.

“Hmm, we’re going to torture you a bit before we kill you.” Gwir said simply. Umbridge turned to run, abandoning courage, but Gwir was too fast. Brandishing her wand like a whip, she cried, “CRUCIO!”

As Umbridge fell to the ground, writhing and screaming, a maniacal laugh escaped Gwir’s lips. This was what she, the Goddess of Pain, was made to do.

"You," began Nox, "Are the most foul, evil, toadlike, and ugly sentient being ever to walk this earth, and that includes the Hydra."

"Yes, and your fashion sense is the most horrible I've ever seen in my millions of years of existence!" Gwir added, flicking her wand. Umbridge lay whimpering pleas for her safety on the ground.

"P-please, girls, I'll do a-anything-"

“And by calling us girls, you just sealed your fate. Avada Kedavra,” Came Nox's voice, and Umbridge keeled over, her eyes becoming lifeless and glassy, her reign of terror at Hogwarts ended before it had begun.

Harry, shocked and horrified, turned on the two goddesses, pulling out his wand. He was stopped short when Gwir curtsied to him and said,

“Gwir, Goddess of Pain, always at your service.”

“Nox, Goddess of Shadows, only at your service because Gwir will drag me along with her.”

“Wha-wha...you KILLED her! STUPEFY!” Harry bellowed.

But it was futile. Gwir, smiling sadly, caught the jet of red light in her hand as she and Nox burst into flame and disappeared right before Harry’s eyes.

Just as students began exiting the castle to see what all the commotion was, Harry heard Gwir’s voice whisper, “Don’t worry, Mr. Knight-In-Shining-Armor-Who-Will-Even-Try-To-Avenge-Filth-Like-Umbridge, we’ll take care of Voldy-Moldywart for you too.” She cackled, and then there was silence.