Have you ever wondered what a perfect life was?

“Mom, Dad, I’m going to school.”

“Be careful, dear.”

“I will! See you after school!”

“Make sure to eat lunch!”

“Jeez mom, chillax a bit.”

“Spencer, don’t talk to me like that!”

“Okay, Mom, Jeez.”

Every morning the same exact conversation.

“Morning Mom, where’s Dad?”

“He’s changing.”

“Dad’s not ready? He’s always ready!”

“Not today, he’s not.”

“Weird. Well, I’ll skip breakfast.”

“Wait, Spencer. I have to talk to you about your dad and-”

“It’ll have to wait.”

“Spencer, come back here!”

“Bye!”

How perfect.

I wish I had listened to her that morning.

Maybe if I did, things wouldn’t have ended up like this.

“Good morning, Mom”

…

“Mom?”

...

“Mom, I-”

“Shut it!”

…

Ever since my mom and dad got divorced this happened and-

Never mind.

Let me explain how this mess started.

One day my dad came home from work late.

He opened the door and said-

“I’m back.”

I went down the stairs just enough to see my mom and my dad fighting.

I didn’t know why.

At first I didn’t even want to know why.

But I wish I had done something.

I wish I could have went back to my perfect little life.

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One afternoon, I came home from school to see my mom drinking.

From the bottles on the ground, it seemed like she drank about 7 bottles of bud light.

I wanted to say something.

I couldn’t.

For once in my life I was scared.

I loved my mom.

But I didn’t want to hurt her.

…

No.

…

I didn’t wanna get hurt.

“H..Hey, Mom.”

“What?”

“Anything for dinner?”

“Dinner? How funny. You think I would make something like that? Try asking your goddamn father for once.”

“Mom. I can’t watch this anymore.”

…

“Mom.”

…

“Just listen to me, Mo-”

“JUST BE QUIET.

I wish I had an obedient little girl,

but all I have is a son of a bitch!

Just die already.”

This was it.

My perfect little life.

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I couldn’t take it anymore.

This hell of a life.

My mom was right.

Maybe I should die.

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I ran upstairs.

Crying.

…

I went into the bathroom and locked the door.

From the drawer I pulled out a razor.

I got pen and paper.

Time to write a note.

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Dear Mom,

I wish you would have loved me.

Ever since you broke up with Dad, you have been a wreck.

I couldn’t take it.

Once you become sober, you’ll understand.

Please don’t be sad.

I love both you and Dad.

I just wish..

We could have had a perfect little life.

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I pulled out the razor, and went into the bathtub.

I turned on the water and filled it up.

I thought about what would have happened.

I would have been happier.

Up where I could watch them.

I slowly started cutting my wrists.

I gave out a shriek.

It didn’t matter.

Blood started flowing down my wrists.

I put my hands in the warm water.

Suddenly I started to feel faint.

I closed my eyes.

And thought..

About my perfect life.