At my mother's house on Shabbat, we refrain from using gas, fire, and electricity. Lighting the candles is one of our key customs. Our sages decreed that every Jewish home should have candles lit at the start of the Shabbat since we do not kindle fires on Shabbat, ensuring a calm and joyous evening and start to Shabbat. Usually, the women of the house light these candles. A special blessing is recited after the lighting. As I kindle the candles, I see them lighting up the house and  bringing peace and joy to our home. We also say another special prayer on Friday night over wine, in a ritual that men do known as “Kiddush” (sanctification). Additionally, a man also must perform the "HaMotzi" which is the blessing over the "Challah" (bread). However, there isn't a male in the house because my parents don't live together. Therefore, regardless of her gender, my mother must perform the blessings of Kiddush and HaMotzi. We sing many songs during dinnertime to bring happiness to the table. One of the most significant prayers we say on Friday night is Shalom Aleichem. Shalom Aleichem (“Peace be upon you”) is both a traditional Jewish greeting and the title of a poem commonly sung at the beginning of the Friday night Shabbat meal. The very beautiful song is a reminder that as we create Shabbat in our homes from week to week, we set patterns of warmth, happiness and holiness and with each repetition which welcomes the angels into our home on Shabbat. These become more firmly established in our lives and in the lives of our families, so that the angel's amen is a call for us to maintain our Jewish traditions and practices and to strengthen them from generation to generation. Another song that we sing on Friday nights is “Eshet Chayil”(Meaning Women of Valor). The words are taken from the Biblical Book of Proverbs and represent a husband's praise for his wife.  The prayer is traditionally read before the Kiddush wine blessing as families welcome in Shabbat. It is traditionally sung by the male head of the home singing it to honor his wife. Although, when we sing it,  there is no husband present. I still feel like it has a very deep meaning even though my dad is not at the table. At the end of a Shabbat meal, we do “Birkat Hamazon” (Grace after a meal). When we sing Birkat Hamazon, we praise and thank God for the food he gave us - “Praised be our God, of whose abundance we have eaten.” I have lots of faith, and when I sing, I feel very strongly connected to God.

At my Father’s, we have Shabbat dinner every Friday including all the rituals, but the prayers always begin before the food is ready. My Father is still using the microwave and pulling food out of the oven as we sing. It disrupts me. Why keep Shabbat if you won’t do it the right way? I stay silent, but I can't help but feel uneasy when he does it. Shabbat is a day set aside to rest and refrain from daily activities, so I hope one day he will stop doing such things. I hear the beeping from the oven and it sometimes even makes me wish he was still married to my Mother. She has a positive influence on my Father as far as following Shabbat and I dream to go back to those times.“Dad, can you stop and just sit down? You are doing the opposite of what you're supposed to do on Shabbat,'' I tell him. 

“Talia, I am just finishing the cooking. Stop telling me what I can and can’t do,” he says. 

“Fine,” I responded. I am aware that I cannot prevent him from doing these actions because he now has the freedom to do so. My Father is a very restless person, and needs to be active all the time. He drives to play tennis with his friends around three times per week. It just so happens that one of those days is Saturday. Therefore, I feel like there is a lack of silence in the house on Shabbat. I hear the beep of him locking his car, the music from our Alexa, and the whistles from the sports game on TV. Because he does not fully observe Shabbat, when I am home, it has an effect on me. 

Eventually, we stopped lighting the candles most Friday nights. We write on Shabbat and I have accepted that my Father cannot observe Shabbat in the way that I do. When it comes to religion, I don't think my Father and I will ever completely agree, but that's okay because at the end of the day we are family, and family always stays together.

All of my life observing Shabbat has allowed me to figure out my own observance level. All of the years when my father and mother were still together, observing Shabbat were some of the best memories of my life. The feeling of togetherness I had with my family was so pleasant and peaceful. However, after my parents split up, the feeling of serenity changed. For the past few years, I have been struggling to find my level of observance. Constantly traveling between my father’s and my mother’s has caused me to question my faith. I see two different kinds of Shabbat, my Mother's kind and my Father’s kind. My Mother observes strictly, and my Father does not observe. I have contemplated keeping Shabbat or not and I never knew what path I should take. Should I take my mom's path and be religious? Or my Dad’s path and give up Shabbat? However, I have recently realized that I have this feeling in my soul that is compelling me to be observant. I have chosen to go on my Mother’s path and observe Shabbat. I believe that my faith in God had constructed my choice to be observant of Shabbat. Some people may think it is strange that a teenage girl observes Shabbat. Why not watch TV? Why not go out with your friends? There is no logical explanation on why I do what I do, because faith is not logical. I have now accepted that my Father does not and will never observe Shabbat. I have come to terms with it because I know that my Father does not feel what I feel, which is okay. Although I don’t know what my future holds, I know that for now,  my faith and soul are telling me to observe Shabbat.