As my cousin and I walked into my house sipping the last drops of our delicious hot chocolates from 2 Alice’s cafè, my brother came up to us to say hello.

A Thursday afternoon, January 2018.

I noticed a redness in his eyes and a layer of glass over his pupils. As he sniffled, I asked if he was okay.

“I’m fine”.

Something seemed off but I had to rush out of the house shortly, so I headed downstairs to get some chores done.

As I was putting my clothes into the dryer, I heard my brothers footsteps coming, followed by a subtle sniffle.

“Do you need something?”, I was quick to ask.

“No, just wanted to tell you I am going for a walk.” , he replied.

I told him that it was fine with me. Then he gave me a hug. It was the type of hug you give someone that you won’t be seeing for a long time. Something was definitely wrong.

I speedily shoved the rest of my laundry into the dryer and ran upstairs. My cousin began yelling my name. I ran over and he handed me a crumpled piece of looseleaf. A goodbye letter.

Panicked, me and my cousin ran to my car to follow my brother. When we figured out the only place he could’ve gone, I slammed my foot on the gas and drove past at least two stop signs. As my cousin was on the phone with my mom, my heart began to sink more and more each second I drove.

“Will we find him in time?” was the question racing through my head.

“THERE!”, my cousin shouted.

Without thinking, I put the car in park in the middle of the road, still running with the doors open. As my brother saw us running towards him, he began to sprint, closer and closer towards goodbye.

“STOP, STOP, STOP!” , I screamed with tears soaking my face.

Right before my brother could reach the steep cliff, my cousin grabbed him with both arms and held him tightly. While my brother was struggling to get out of my cousins grip, I called 911.

My brother has ADHD and aspergers. He was teased about his disability all throughout middle school, which is what drove him to do what he almost did that day. Additionally, he wasn’t getting the help he needed from his school, which made it worse. And it wasn’t just school.

Our home lives were affected too. I’ve watched my parents go through enormous amounts of stress trying to deal with my brother; doing everything they could to help him. I would sit back and watch as my dad and brother would constantly go back and forth, arguing over the smallest of issues. I’ve witnessed my brother threaten to end his life in front of us if things didn’t go his way. I would watch my parents, struggling to be patient with my brother.

Most times, it seemed impossible. It seemed as if things were never going to get better.

It devastated me to watch my family go through this. But because of what I’ve experienced, I want to dedicate my future to helping kids like my brother to prevent them from having the same terrible experiences he did, whether it be becoming a guidance counselor or a special ed teacher. I want to do everything I can to help kids like him have better lives, socially and academically.

Sometimes the hardship and the struggles you face aren’t even yours. It’s watching a loved one go through it, that’s the struggle. But I’m letting that motivate me to do something good; to benefit people like my brother. Why sit back and watch when I could be dedicating myself to others with the same struggle?

Watching my brother face these trials then pulling himself up afterwards was remarkable. He’s truly my inspiration, but he will always be my annoying little brother first and foremost.