Hawaii is a place that people dream of going. The white beaches, the turquoise water, the palm trees – it’s the definition of paradise. It was the summer of 2012, and my family was celebrating my parents’ fifteenth wedding anniversary, which seemed to be a pretty big deal considering they sprung for a trip to Hawaii. But, hey, no one was complaining.

Landing in Honolulu is a surreal memory. I could hardly believe the beauty as I gazed out the window, taking in the cloud-reaching mountains and the enormous, foamy waves; it felt like I had walked straight into a postcard. We would be here for 10 days, and I could barely contain my excitement.

After arriving at the hotel, the first thing I did was run out to the beach, kick off my shoes, and dig my toes into the sand. I fluttered my eyes closed, inhaling the salty air, the ocean breeze swirling around my body and lifting the hair off my shoulders. At that moment I couldn’t imaging a better feeling.

Faintly, over the noise of the waves, cheering caught my attention. I peered out into the water. There were five of them – three guys and two girls – gliding across the water effortlessly balancing on boards. I watched as they laughed and teased each other. Probably seeing me staring, they waved. Embarrassed, I turned to flee, but I realized something first: I wanted to learn how to surf, and I wasn’t going to leave Hawaii until I had.

“You’re crazy,” my dad said.

I rolled my eyes. “Come on. I heard they have lessons here and this is the best place to surf!”

“Celina, surfing is a dangerous sport. Besides, we’re only here for a couple of days, and we don’t even live near an ocean!”

“I heard Lake Michigan is pretty good for surfing …” It was a joke, but instead of laughing he just gave me a look.

I sighed, falling back onto the bed. “Pleeeease?”

“I’m going to the pool. If you can convince Mom then sure, I’ll pay for the lessons.” That pretty much killed any chance I had. My mom is the biggest worrier ever. She gets nervous when my siblings or I use a public restroom alone; there was absolutely no way she was going to allow me to surf.

But I wasn’t giving up.

Climbing out of the pool, I snatched a towel and wrapped it around my shivering body. The sun was setting over the mountains, and the air was getting chilly. I waddled over to the benches facing the ocean and took a seat.

They were still out there, as they always were this time of day. I never got bored of watching.

“They’re pretty good, eh?” A voice made me jump. I recognized him as one of the staff. His skin was tan but not the tan you get from sitting in the sun all day; it was a natural glow, meaning he probably lived here. He had long black hair tied in a ponytail. He wore Hawaiian flower printed swimming trunks. He couldn’t have been more than 25.

“You want to be out there, don’t you?”

I nodded.

“Then why don’t I see you signed up on my list for lessons?”

“My parents won’t let me,” I answered.

He sighed, leaning back on his hands. “My parents didn’t want me to learn either, but I taught myself anyway. Not saying you should do that.” He chuckled. “I’m willing to talk to them if you want.”

“You would?”

He nodded. “But you have to promise me one thing. You have to practice your swimming. I’ve been watching you ,and I don’t think you are ready to take on the ocean currents. If you practice tomorrow I’ll give a few encouraging words to your parents. I have a surfing session for beginners the next day. Deal?”

I nodded with a wide smile. This was my chance.

• • •

My arms burned. My legs burned. My throat burned. But I kept pushing. Lap after lap after lap, I lost count after 45. If this is what it would take to surf, I would give it my all.

“Celina, you’ve been swimming for two hours. I think it’s time for a break. Here, I ordered some fries.”

As I finished my final lap, I saw the surf instructor talking to my mom. When they both smiled, ending with a handshake, I knew he had convinced her. He flashed me a wink and a thumbs up. I was in.

  • • •

“Welcome to surfing lessons at Turtle Bay resort. I’m Kahale, your instructor, and this is my sidekick, Leila. Please make your way to the surfboards and stand in front of one,” he announced. There were 13 of us, and I was one of the youngest.

We went through the basics – from the position you begin in (on your stomach) to the way you quickly reposition so you are standing, probably the hardest part. I didn’t realize there were so many fundamentals to surfing. I just wanted to get out in the water.

“All right, let’s see your stances,” Kahale said after 20 minutes. He made his way down the line, adjusting our posture. I made sure I had everything perfect. My feet squared, my legs bent, back straight, arms out. When he finally got to me, he stopped.

“Pretty good. Just keep your shoulders rolled forward, and remember, eyes up. Never look down,” he said. “Okay, everyone, let’s head out to the water!”

With one last look at my mother, who was eagerly watching, I followed, dragging my surfboard. The nerves began to kick in. Before we began, Kahale explained areas to stay away from and what to do if we fell off. Then he began taking people out one by one into the waves.

They looked bigger today … darker. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. Rule number 2 of surfing: Go out into the water with a clear head.

Soon I was next.

“Celina, are you ready?”

“I’m ready.” I was not about to pass up my only chance to surf.

“Okay, let’s go,” Kahale said.

He guided my board as I paddled aggressively. The water was cool, but it didn’t faze me. I kept my eyes on the surface before me (Rule number 12).

“Okay, remember what we practiced. Keep the board in front of you, and when you spot a wave you like, let the wave do most of the guiding, and don’t rush through the foot work. If you get pulled under, find your board and wave for a lifeguard.” I was so nervous I was having a hard time focusing, but I nodded and watched as Kahale paddled back to shore.

I was alone. Just me and the waves. I began paddling, realizing why Kahale had forced me to practice swimming: it played a big part in surfing.

The waves grew larger and came faster, and I was tiring. I hadn’t realized how far out I was until I looked to shore and saw everyone watching. I sat out there for a while, my fingertips skimming the water, feeling the heartbeat of the ocean. I needed to pick my wave. I bet no one thought I could make it this far.

I passed up a few waves I probably should have taken. Rule number 15: Never rush when choosing a wave; you will know when it is the right one. Adrenaline was pumping fast in my veins, and I wanted so badly to prove I could do it. I turned my board to face shore, preparing for my wave.

It didn’t feel right at all, but it was too late to stop. My heart was beating so hard I could hear it in my ears, but I couldn’t let my fear distract me. I began to paddle, the wave right on my tail. I couldn’t let it beat me. I paddled fast and hard. My tired muscles begged me to stop, to just give up. I didn’t. I couldn’t.

My breath was shaky, and I wanted so badly to look over my shoulder, to see how close the wave was, but I knew I wasn’t supposed to. Suddenly I could feel the back of my board begin to rise and I began to slide toward the front of the board.

The next step … what was the next step? My head started to spin, thoughts jumbled while I searched for answers. Just then I spotted Kahale waving at me from shore. He was gesturing like he was lifting an object. That is when I realized what I had to do. I began to bring my legs forward so my feet were balancing on the board, but it was too late. The wave swallowed me whole into the deep, dark depths of the ocean.

My body was jerked left and right, up and down. I could feel tugging on the strap around my ankle connected to my board. I was disoriented, but I knew the strap would lead me up to air. I needed air.

I kicked my legs furiously, beating the currents that tugged at my ankles. My lungs were burning, but I could see it now – the surface. It felt close yet so far away. Finally my head broke the surface, and I gasped for air, my vision blurred and stinging from saltwater.

That’s when another wave hit, shoving me under again. And again. And again. The more I was thrown by the waves, the less power I had. Unable to hold my breath any longer, I inhaled a mouthful of saltwater and it filled my lungs. It was the worst feeling ever, not being able to breathe – or see for that matter. I was surrounded by water and could not escape it. I could feel my body go, my muscles frozen and still. That is the last thing I remember before everything went black.

As you might have guessed, I didn’t drown. The lifeguards spotted my board floating and pulled me to safety.

Although I failed at something I badly wanted to accomplish, I felt proud of myself. I had pushed myself hard. Kahale said that I was one of the bravest girls he had ever met. I may not have resembled the surfers that I had watched and envied, but at least I had tried, and as a result I had an experience that will stick with me forever.